Finally, an amusement park for real men.  Check out our rides:

Twisted Metal
Tired of lame free-fall rides that go at the girly acceleration of gravity?  This monster hurls you from the height of a 23-story building at over 3 G’s—onto your face.

Wheel of Death
You better leave your skirt at home, because by the end of this ride you will somehow be wearing one.

The Snake Charmer
When some sissy-nerd said that “you can’t go home again,” he was probably thinking of this ride.  After tasting The Snake Charmer’s nasty twists and daring descents, you’ll find your house burned down by a park employee.

Not Your Grandma’s Coaster
There’s a pretty good chance that your grandma never rode on this recently restored old-fashioned wooden coaster.

Earthbound
Do you know how it feels to experience an emergency reentry into our atmosphere in a speeding NASA spaceship?  Neither do we.  This ride is a shaking room with different-colored flashing buttons.

The Centrifuge
Think you can withstand 14 G’s of awesome bone-crushing power?  Scientists beg to differ.

A Giant Catapult
Get ready for some surprises.

The Carousel
Circle around on a horse with a pole through it.  Did I mention that it’s a live horse? Good, because it’s actually a dead horse.

Straitjacket
You’re about to get the shit kicked out of you.

The Pain Café
Try the Extreme Manburger, the Five-Pound Chicken Wing Manbucket, or Sergeant Pulverizer’s Danger Explosion, an undercooked chili dog.

Take-a-Break Lake
While the others test the limits of their manliness, this soothing water ride gives grandpa a chance to rest his feet before killing him.