In fifth grade I tried buying pornography a few different ways.  The note was the most desperate.

Like the Yeti or the Loch Ness Monster, gay dogs are often deemed mythical beasts.  But are they really?  I mean, my dog might be gay.  He has a boyfriend.  So I decided to ask my dog a few questions:

Me: Hey dog, are you gay?
Dog: Ruff!
Me: Hey dog, are you a gay dog?
Dog: Bark!
Me: Hey dog!  Listen to me!  Are you gay?
Dog: Bow!
Me: Hmmm…interesting…hey dog, what does sandpaper feel like?
Dog: Ruff!
Me: Hey dog, what’s on the outside of a tree?
Dog: Bark!
Me: Hey dog, what do you call the front of a ship?
Dog: Bow!

And there you have it, the world famous talking dog trick!  Who cares if my dog is gay, he’s got me riding on the gravy train!