I remember the day Stewart Growler took on the Trolley Problem. I’m sure everyone in that ethics class remembers.


When Mr. Patterson presented us with the problem, no one could make heads or tails of it. No one except Stewart. He was a quiet guy, so naturally people were surprised to see his hand raised. And we were even more surprised to see him climb up on his desk. There were some giggles, and, I’ll admit, I may have chuckled along. Mr. Patterson held up his hand as if to say “Let’s hear this guy out.” Then Stewart slowly lifted one foot off the desk. He was a little wobbly, but he found his balance. No one was laughing now. This Nobody WhatsHisName suddenly had the attention of the whole class. Stewart’s other foot came off the desk, and he started floating like a skydiver. People began to whisper. Stewart floated around the room with pretty minimal control, gently bumping into people’s heads and saying “Sorry. Whoops, sorry about that.” Eventually he asked to go to the nurse. Turns out he got E. coli from some lettuce he ate out of the trash.


I’ll never forget that.