A notice to all MoonCorp employees:
Gentlemen, this is your CEO. Please keep mining; no reason to be alarmed. I am aware of the recent rumors about extraterrestrial life in the vicinity. I am also aware that you all are planning a mutiny as I make this announcement. And if you think I don’t know about the tunneling that’s been going on directly beneath HQ, in an attempt to destroy the building from below, you’re dead wrong. As for the bomb in our town square, ticking down from three minutes, I realize it’s there and I recognize that it’s a problem. In light of all this, and of the fact that the moon is now officially for sale, I am concerned. Mr. Steinbeck once wrote that the moon was down, and now even today it still is. We are out of water. We are out of oxygen. We are out of food. We are about to explode from multiple sources. I have been told that the earth doesn’t like us any more. That is regrettable. We might as well turn in folks. The coffee machine doesn’t work as well as it used to. The snacks in the break room recently lack nutrients. Outside is a bit too cold now. I wish we had more friends here.