But just what a year for movies! All my friends tell me, they tell me George Clooney, you love movies more than anyone else I know! That’s why I became a little worried when the Redbox machine around the corner from me was hit by a car — would this mean the end of movies? But I was just told backstage that is not the case. Without further ado, the award goes to…

(Clooney’s speech comes to a halt as a Production Assistant runs across the stage. His shoes squeak in the quiet auditorium. Wheezing with effort, he whispers something in George’s ear. George nods in understanding and the Assistant begins to run back to stage left. Halfway, he stops, turns, and runs back to Clooney, whispering once more into the actor’s ear before finally exiting the stage.) 

Okay I’m getting word from (Clooney looks to the Production Assistant, who is wringing his hands and sweating)... this Janitor here that the true winner is somewhere in this stack of cards… I’ll just read them off and you tell me when I get to the right one. *Ahem*— 

Spongeman: The Firebombing of Bikini Bottom.  

(P.A. shakes head no) 

Peppa Pig explains what Parents do at Night? 

(P.A. shakes head no) 

Blegh… why is this card so sticky? Okay… 

Wrinkley, the Sewer Clown.

(P.A. shakes head no) 

Your winner is… Catbus: Ticket for Two! 

(P.A. shakes head no) 

Bourne Stupid?

(P.A. shakes head no) 

My Sister Sets Her Hair on Fire… by Billie B. 

(P.A. shakes head no) 

Frog goes squish, by Billie B.  

(P.A. shakes head no) 

Dogs, Breastfeeding.

(P.A. shakes head no) 

Love? (gaining confidence) The winner this year was love 

(P.A. shakes head no) 

The Frosty Machine Singalong: Your first day at Wendy’s. 

(P.A. gives the thumbs up) 

There you have it, the winner of Best Picture!