Wright Brothers (by EIS, from Words of Our City #)

Okay, soooooooo basically Wilbur wouldn’t have had the fight with Orville, because if Wilbur had a cell phone then he could’ve just called the plane company?? And also he could’ve had a sick crossover with Alex Graham Bell and Alex wouldn’t even have to invent the telephone because it would already exist in the universe of the piece??

Heist Movie Notes (by ASB, from Dessert Island #)

UHdoyyyyyy, if the Team Leader had just pulled out his iPhone in Line 8 of Heist Movie Notes he would have learned that the term he was looking for was “dramatic” irony and not “situational irony,” and then he could’ve Twitch-streamed the heist and then I would have personally SWATed them and the BANK WOULD STILL HAVE ALL ITS MONEY.

Art of the Password (by PKS, from HEY YOU YEAH YOU QUIT PULLING MY LEG #)

UMMMM, HELLOOOOO? EARTH TO PKS, CAN YOU READ ME PKS?

BUDDY?

1PASSWORD ON APP STORE???

Manners and Customs of Ye Harvard Studente (by FGA, from The Harvard Lampoon Vol. 1 No. 1)

We begin in Memorial Hall. The gentlemen of the esteemed freshman class gather their foodstuffs into their fine cloth pouches and scurry about, seeking a perch upon which they may shove their faces into their pouches and eat without use of their hands. It’s a simpler time. No cell phones in this time. Just good old fashioned comedy. Really makes you think.