ME: And by subverting double axial capital inflows we can mobilize revenue twice as fast.
SMITH: I’ve heard this before, Johnson…
CHESTER: (Smashes through plate glass door) I’ve got the drinks!
SMITH: Johnson, what kind of a stunt is this?
ME: I––I’m so sorry Mr. Smith. That’s Chester. (Sighs) He’s… he’s my cousin.
CHESTER: Black coffee with two milks and big sugars coming right up!
ME: Anyway, my plan is to redirect consumer––
CHESTER: Hey, Mr. Business! I live in a shoe in the Pacific Ocean.
ME: He lingers if you pay attention to him, so don’t. (Massages temples) He’s like the Tooth Fairy, sir, except he always insists on teaching kids about sex.
CHESTER: Sex is easy: just dingle your dangle.
SMITH: Johnson, I must say, this is highly unusual.
CHESTER: Touch my string.
ME: Don’t touch that, Mr. Smith. That’s his foreskin.
SMITH: It’s… prehensile.
ME: Stop tugging on Mr. Smith’s earlobe, Chester.
SMITH: Oh I don’t mind. It’s rather soothing. Anyway, Johnson, back to your spiel.
ME: Essentially, we optimize market capture mechanisms before our competitors do.
CHESTER: I nomi––
ME: Chester, no.
CHESTER: I nominate my cousin!
ME: (Unenthusiastically does ALS Ice Bucket Challenge)