Mom: It’s a boy!
Me: Hey, girl, what’s up? What you doing later, sexy mama?
Mom: I’m busy tonight because of the PA meeting.
My Bar Mitzvah
Mom: He’s a man! We’re so proud.
Me: So about that date, wanna come over to my place?
Mom: Unfortunately, I have to clean the house before the guests come over
Mom: Are you nervous for the big day?
Me: I just need to ask–you got another man or something?
Mom: You know I’m seeing your brother, Joshua.
Me: Oh right.