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Home
About
Read
Pieces
Magazines
Books
Comp
Masthead
Contact
Home
About
Read
Pieces
Magazines
Books
Comp
Masthead
Contact
Pieces
My Relationship
8
ZPH '12
February 2010
… is like any other, especially the kind where one partner steals from the other, day after …
Middle School Beauty
11
MJS '19
June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
Change Jar
3
KPB
May 2021
i am texting from the faculty lounge and i am looking at the Change Jar in front of me and it appea…
Genesis
HJH '19
December 2020
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, but …
Dinosaur Story
12
FOD '24
May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
Chimney Sweep
27
JFAR '19-'22
January 2017
Chimney sweeping is what I was born to do since I have no arms or legs. Doctors called my missing l…
J. Robert Oppenheimer signs an NDA
28
CDL '21
October 2020
– You understand that after you sign this document you cannot discuss the Manhattan Proj…
Measuring the Length of my Penis
26
BWM '19-'21
February 2020
*mmmm* .. (the tip of my penis extends to the 4 inch mark) “mmm…
Lifeguard
15
MFP '23-24
December 2022
Kid: Help, I’m drowning! Hot Lifeguard: Clint, go get him! Fat Lifeguard: Really? Ho…
Secret Journal
5
GPCP '22
December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
Vanagon
3
MAS '18
December 2020
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailr…
Brain Man
10
JKF '25
March 2023
Knock knock. Hey silly. It’s me. The deceased 50 year old man who has permanently mov…
Tales of Vengeance
11
MAG '21-'22
September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
Wheel of Fortune
11
MFP '23-24
December 2022
Contestant #1: I’d like to solve the puzzle: Host: Go right ahead. _’D L_KE &n…
Visit California
126
EAT '24
May 2022
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
MAG '21-'22
September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
My Fairy
10
TAF '19
December 2020
Some people have a fairy godmother. Klugg is my swamp monster god-uncle. Klugg can’t fly lik…
Debugging
FOD '24
March 2023
My story begins with me working as an engineer on one of the first computers in the world, wh…
Mall Santa
18
JPW '21
October 2020
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh. I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just …
My Feminism
20
AJ '18
December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…
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