Home About Comp Masthead Contact
Home About Comp Masthead Contact

Pieces

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My Relationship
8
February 2010
… is like any other, especially the kind where one partner steals from the other, day after …
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Middle School Beauty
11
June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
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Change Jar
3
May 2021
i am texting from the faculty lounge and i am looking at the Change Jar in front of me and it appea…
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Genesis
December 2020
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, but …
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Dinosaur Story
12
May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
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Chimney Sweep
27
January 2017
Chimney sweeping is what I was born to do since I have no arms or legs. Doctors called my missing l…
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J. Robert Oppenheimer signs an NDA
28
October 2020
– You understand that after you sign this document you cannot discuss the Manhattan Proj…
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Measuring the Length of my Penis
26
February 2020
*mmmm* ..    (the tip of my penis extends to the 4 inch mark)    “mmm…
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Lifeguard
15
December 2022
Kid: Help, I’m drowning! Hot Lifeguard: Clint, go get him! Fat Lifeguard: Really?  Ho…
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Secret Journal
5
December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
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Vanagon
3
December 2020
Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailr…
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Brain Man
10
March 2023
Knock knock. Hey silly. It’s me. The deceased 50 year old man who has permanently mov…
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Tales of Vengeance
11
September 2021
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times …
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Wheel of Fortune
11
December 2022
Contestant #1: I’d like to solve the puzzle: Host: Go right ahead. _’D   L_KE &n…
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Visit California
126
May 2022
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Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
2
September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
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My Fairy
10
December 2020
Some people have a fairy godmother. Klugg is my swamp monster god-uncle. Klugg can’t fly lik…
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Debugging
March 2023
My story begins with me working as an engineer on one of the first computers in the world, wh…
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Mall Santa
18
October 2020
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh. I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just …
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My Feminism
20
December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…