Seven Deadly Gourds
- The Orange Gourd: This one will kill you 100%.
- The Ghost Pepper: This one is less pungent, still quite deadly. Will kill you 100%.
- The Reddest of the Red: Another 100% kill.
- Dark Gourd: This gourd will actually transport you to another realm, the half-day holidays realm. For this realm all holidays are for half the people there and the other half are too busy. Keep in mind this is a 100% kill.
- People Gourd: Half-Man, Half-Gourd. The People gourd is a friendly guy. He’ll shine your shoes and hug your wife in a way that doesn’t make you uncomfortable or feel like less of a man. Very poisonous though. One bite is sure to kill you (100% chance).
- Decorative Gourd from the local market: Unfortunately covered in lead. The bomb inside will kill you 100%.
- Pumpkin Gourd: these are the most common of the seven deadly gourds, but like greed, it can be the most deadly. If you try and eat the Pumpkin Gourd in its natural form (whole pumpkin, no bites) you will be killed, unfortunately, and that is a 100% chance.
Nantucket Sleighride #
Issue Editor: ZDG ’20
Art Editor: SKL ’23
Date: June 2020
Questions people frequently ask me, Zachary D. Goddard, born March 28, 1997, on Nantucket, MA.
What is a Nantucket Sleighride?
When a wounded whale pulls around a whaleboat (to which it is attached via harpoon) at breakneck speed.
What is your social security number?