The Harvard Lampoon

What’s New

Imaginary Friends #

Imaginary Friends #

This issue is not real, but merely a figment of your imagination...

Suburbia #

This is the Suburbia # because I grew up in the suburbs, and also because the only thing I’m afraid ...

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Crimson Parody

The Lampoon's Spring 2025 parody of the Harvard Crimson

The Latest

Morning Announcements

Suburbia # • by SEH '26

Good morning Vietnam! No, it's not Robin Williams. I know everyone gets excited every time I do that...

Conditional Love

Imaginary Friends # • by EB '24

Would you still date me if I had feet for hands...

Modern Mom Gritty Reboot

The Quixotic # • by CLC '22-'23

(Lights up. Camera pans over a grayscale suburb.) VOICEOVER: The modern mom is secure. (Flash: a p...

From the Creators of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!"

Suburbia # • by LKN '25

“I Can Totally See This Being Mayonnaise” Margarine “It’s For My Windshields” Lubricant “Look! A L...

Suburbia # • by EAT '24

I walk in the door, yoga pants bunched tight around my middle-aged buttocks. My husband thinks I’m g...

Day in the Life Comix

The Quixotic # • by IKI '26

The Quixotic # • by RYSL

Hey. (gurgles) You think this is allowed? (spits) It’s not even really drinking, man! Cool. How...

Suburbia # • by SEH '26

Children under the age of 14 may not use the pool without a parent or guardian present, unless the...

One for the Road Comix

Suburbia # • by MIC '26

A Letter To The Suburbs

Suburbia # • by RYSL

Dear Suburbs, You are my roots; I owe you everything. You molded me into the man that the city too...

Suburbia # • by MRB '25

Ever since I earned my online economics nanodegree, I’ve been controlling my fourth-grade class usin...

The Quixotic # • by OMA '24

Those files better say that I can buy a boat, Gene. My wife loves boats. My girlfriend loves boats...

Deep Cuts

The Mental Health Issue # • by JTK '24

I look down at the watch tattooed on my wrist. It’s 10:00. Fuck. I look up at my wall clock to see i...

Lampy Sells Out # • by JTK '24

The Unstoppable March # • by MAG '21-'22

Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolut...

README # • by OECGP ’22-’24

Tue, Jun 9, 2:47 PM Hey bud, I was super bummed to see that obituary about you this morning. Big co...

Modern Mom Gritty Reboot

The Quixotic # • by CLC '22-'23

(Lights up. Camera pans over a grayscale suburb.) VOICEOVER: The modern mom is secure. (Flash: a p...

Break of Day # • by AJ '18

I was so excited when I got my first pair of sun-glasses, because I was able to see things that were...

The ▵S=Sf – Si = ∫dQ/T # • by MMM '20

sigh No, Percival, it does not. But due to your father’s generous donation, I am… pleased… to confer...

Family Friendly Comedy # • by HJH '19

Kid: Well, I guess this is it, huh? Mom: Our baby boy, going to college. You know I remember when y...

Prisoner’s Dilemma

Family Friendly Comedy # • by EBC '22-'23

Sitting handcuffed in the interrogation room, I started to sweat. They had the room at a cool 65, bu...

The ▵S=Sf – Si = ∫dQ/T # • by BWM '19-'21

Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German So...

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by EB '24

Many predict that by the year 3000, the US military will primarily fight its wars in cyberspace. “...

Closing Argument

Justice Is Served # • by SEH '26

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, when I woke up this morning I thought, wow, I am so tired of the s...