Pool Rules
As seen in: Suburbia #
- Children under the age of 14 may not use the pool without a parent or guardian present, unless they are named Robert because we can’t stop him.
- No more than 7 normal sized people or 1 Robert sized child in the jacuzzi.
- No running. Physicists believe accelerated speeds near Robert may cause orbit.
- If a lifeguard brings out the fishing net, Robert is drowning. Clear the pool.
- The sound of a forklift means Robert has beached. Make way.
- Should Robert choose to breaststroke, watch in awe. He’s weirdly good at breaststroke.
- No turquoise bathing suits. Turquoise is Robert’s color.
- If it begins to thunder, exit the pool and stand in the shade of Robert’s mass. He is benevolent when treated with respect.
- Do not swim near Robert when he’s playing hungry hungry hippo.
- Shower before entering the pool. Be aware that the pool is Robert’s shower.