You wake up in your high school dorm. Umaru-chan, your roommate / stepsister who is also your girlfriend, leaps down from the top bunk and nuzzles you with her cat ears.
&ldquo;I wuv u, oniichan~&rdquo; she whispers&mdash;but her eye catches the candy on your bedside table. Halfheartedly, you tell her not to eat it, but it&rsquo;s too late. She gobbles it up with a ^_^ and a &ldquo;Oishii desu, oniichan (very delicious, big brother!)&rdquo; You bury your face in your hands; you know what&rsquo;s coming next.
Her body starts to swell. &ldquo;W-what&rsquo;s happening?&rdquo; Spikes begin to poke out of her abdomen as it grows, slowly at first, and then faster and faster. Her skin, once pale, turns green, while her styled neon-green hair falls out, replaced with waxy fiber. As she expands to fill the entire room, the truth becomes shockingly clear: she is becoming a cactus.
&ldquo;Uwu, I didn&rsquo;t want to be this busty~&rdquo; she whines in your direction. You groan&mdash;you don&rsquo;t have time for this, you&rsquo;re already late to your whimsical slice-of-life job as a typical high school student. You shake your head and turn to leave, but a call comes through on your Magicka Alarm: &ldquo;Demon alert! Monster King Amaterasu has broken free from infinity prison!&rdquo; You sigh&mdash;looks like that trip into the girls&rsquo; locker room will have to wait.
You punch in the coordinates and roll your eyes&mdash;just your luck, he&rsquo;s in the active volcano on the opposite side of town. As you open the door, you feel a poke from behind. You turn around to see Umaru-chan looking up at you with those big, cactusy eyes. She whispers: &ldquo;Be safe, senpai~&rdquo; before blushing and turning away. You smile softly to yourself and push your messy brown bangs out of your eyes. She&rsquo;s a good kid. But then your expression hardens&mdash;this is no time for kids. You&rsquo;re 15. You draw your weapon and, with a grumble, run there in 3 seconds with your arms behind your back (aerodynamics).
As you approach, Amaterasu summons an awesome giant fire-whip from the Demon Realm, laughing at the puny dagger in your hand. Sighing, you drop it, reach into the volcano, and pull out a lava sword the size of a school bus. You leap at Amaterasu as he swings at you. Flashback: a complicated backstory. The present: you stab Amaterasu with your giant sword. He explodes into a million fox girls in tiny skirts, all of whom try to run away but immediately trip and fall over. The upbeat J-pop outro plays: ♪ ~ Hātobīto de nikutai-teki ni kisushitai&hellip; (I would very like to physically kiss you with my heartbeat&hellip;) ~ ♫

You wake up in your high school dorm. Umaru-chan, your roommate / stepsister who is also your girlfr...

My Anime Fanfiction

Heineken in one hand and Paradise Lost essay in the other, Dandelion cruised down Lafayette at a cool 35&mdash;just half of his electric skateboard&rsquo;s top speed. Yeah, he was late for class; he liked it better that way. Time was Dandelion&rsquo;s undercooked meringue, and he was always happy to serve. Need a fork? Not if you&rsquo;ve got a spoon, buddy.
Dandelion banked the corner onto Malvern and parked his &rsquo;board next to a peach tree, no lock. No one would dare touch it, and even if they did, like hell anyone could schride better than Dandy Boy. He reached a sinewy hand up to the branches and pulled down the juiciest peach you ever saw. He brought it to his face, puckered his lips, and sucked out the pit. Much too sour. He spat it onto the ground&mdash;34 yards, just three short of his record. Dandelion howled with glee.&nbsp;
Dandelion sauntered into class, all lanyards and car keys and cigarettes, and sat down in the front row (though I wouldn&rsquo;t call it sitting the way you or I know it, not with that dancing fever he had burning up his legs).&nbsp;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Well, Dandy, nice of you to join us today.&rdquo; Professor Strauss&rsquo; voice crackled with that bubbling rage cultivated in every house-broken bozo who found themselves within Dandelion&rsquo;s range. Dandelion, for his part, just smiled back with that same dopey grin. He pulled the Tootsie sucker out of his mouth.
&ldquo;Gee, is it today already? I&rsquo;ll have to tell the missus.&rdquo; Zinger. Dandy leaned way back in his chair and cracked a lopsided smile as he popped the sucker back in. He bathed in his forever moment&mdash;aplomb, cherry-flavored.
Strauss, to his credit, tried to reply, &ldquo;Dandy, you&mdash;&rdquo;, but it was later than late. Class was long over. Dandy was through the door before the bell rang. His seat, still rocking with the memory of its guest, lay trembling for Dandelion&rsquo;s tomorrow. In it sat merely the imprint of that Golden Boy and a John Milton essay&mdash;an essay with scribbles written in Strauss&rsquo; own hand, shakily, hastily, weightily, begrudgingly across the top: A++.

Heineken in one hand and Paradise Lost essay in the other, Dandelion cruised down Lafayette at a coo...

Dandelion Tales

Track 1 &ndash; Give Me a Little Gas, Sister Track 2 &ndash; Your Girl Got Too Much Exhaust in the Fuel Depot Track 3 &ndash; Ma&rsquo;am, Hit Me with that Sweet, Sweet Diesel Track 4 &ndash; ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ at 140Hz Track 5 &ndash; Ethanol Prices (&ldquo;Higher, Higher, Ever Higher, Lord!&rdquo;) Track 6 &ndash; Me, Jesus, and His Intergalactic Transport Mandate Track 7 &ndash; Big Hefty Pumps of Gasoline Pounding in My Ball Veins (feat. Kanye the XIV) Track 8 &ndash; &ldquo;Fck the P&rdquo; Remastered Track 9 &ndash; Nothin&rsquo; But Fumes for You Tonight / Burnt Up My Fuel Reserves on Venus Track 10 &ndash; Mr. President, You Best Give Me My Rebate Else I&rsquo;ll Tattle Track 11 &ndash; Well, It&rsquo;s Back to Coal for You and Me, Sally &ndash; Extended Version Track 12 &ndash; Collide (Original 2003 Recording)

Track 1 – Give Me a Little Gas, SisterTrack 2 – Your Girl Got Too Much Exhaust in the Fuel DepotTrac...

James Caven.css-1xlpnei{margin:0px -15px 0px 6px;width:11px;vertical-align:-14px;}

James Caven