When I mention this to women, they usually say it’s not dead it’s just changed with the times, but then I say well how come when I follow the sixth commandment of chivalry according to historian Léon Gautier, namely that thou shalt make war against the infidel without cessation and without mercy, people get all weird about it? And then they usually don’t say anything after that.

I do not know what an infidel is, but that hardly presents a problem to me.

Here’s proof chivalry is dead: I’ll be holding the door for a lady, and then she won’t even say anything, not even thank you, and then when I practice making war against an imaginary infidel with neither cessation nor mercy the lady will think I’m having a stroke of some kind. From context clues, I have concluded that an infidel is most likely some kind of dragon or weird bird.

I guess you just can’t say anything anymore, especially not “I’m going to make war against the infidel without cessation and without mercy” when I’m attending my usual daily service at the only church in my area that I’m still allowed into. Then the prayer leader asked me if I even knew what ‘infidel’ refers to, and I was like Yeah, I do! Everybody freaking knows. And then I did a really good sea dragon impression, and people thought I was having a stroke again.