It was a pleasure to burn. Guy Montag knew it better than anyone—he was a fireman, the kind that burned books. Firemen that put out fires also existed and were still called “firemen,” which was a little confusing. Sometimes a putting-fires-out fireman would accidentally go to work at the burning-books fireman office, then slap their head or say “Ay caramba!” or something after the wacky mixup leads to a full day’s worth of shenanigans. Firewomen (both kinds) existed too. I’m not expecting praise for mentioning that or anything, I am just stating the facts. 

Montag was the best at burning, driven by a passion for his craft and the fact that he never figured out how to turn off his fire hose. Was it a liability to go around with a hose constantly spraying fire? Possibly. But once he drove his truck to a house via a route that carefully avoided gas stations, oil rigs, and mom-and-pop propane stores (of which there were many in the future), no one could deny that he had a flair for burning. No one could even come close to him, mainly because anyone who did would be within range of his hose.

He was walking home one night from a successful burn, dragging his fire hose behind him, when he heard a psst to his side. He thought it was the deflating sound of him accidentally burning a tire or cat, but he heard it again. He turned his head—it was a librarian. He was old, bespectacled, not conventionally sexy but maybe in an ironic silver-fox way (not that Montag wanted to think in terms of that but he did anyway). “You there. Haven’t you wanted to read those books you’re burning?” Montag couldn’t hear him because the hose was so loud, so he had the librarian say it again but shouting this time. 

The librarian showed him an old tome, yellowed with age. Tempting. Montag scratched his head to think, but he did it with his hose hand and accidentally pointed the hose at the old tome and the nearby pile of books, incinerating them instantly. The librarian fell to his knees. Maybe I should feel conflicted about this, Montag started to think, but as always, the thought was overshadowed by his big idea to make a fire hose with an off switch that’s really easy to find, or failing that, a sitcom pilot where the two types of firemen switch jobs for a day. He was sure that, if he worked out the B-story, he’d have a hit on his hands.