The Harvard Lampoon

Home

Parodies

Paolo Pasco

Dating Simulator

One Last Dance # • by GPCP '22

It’s the first day at Romance Academy. A new student introduces herself to you: Mitzi, eighteen, gig...

Girlfriend

The Unstoppable March # • by GPCP '22

Of course I have a girlfriend, she just goes to another school. Which school? The, uh, the one a few...

Secret Journal

Cool # • by GPCP '22

-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he’s “gonna make them ...

Squigley

Cool # • by GPCP '22

Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He ...

Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table

Cool # • by GPCP '22

Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead of orange sl...

Lobotomy

The Mental Health Issue # • by GPCP '22

I sit down at the lunch table with a pruning saw and a smile. “Well, boys, I finally did it. I self-...

Trying To Write Mental Health Pieces When Your Mental Health Is Pretty Okay At The Moment

The Mental Health Issue # • by GPCP '22

You close your laptop, wishing you had something real to write about. The first three pieces about w...

Fahrenheit 451

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

It was a pleasure to burn. Guy Montag knew it better than anyone—he was a fireman, the kind that bur...

Colonizing Mars

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

Mission control, I’ve successfully landed on Mars. Terraforming will take a few weeks since it’s j...

Nature Documentary

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

“Beautiful as these fields are, they are made even more distinct by one remarkable event: the gather...

Car Manual

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

Thank you for purchasing the 3022 Ford HellMaker. We here at Ford believe that even though the natur...

The Singularity

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

When BombCorp introduced a line of AI-powered appliances, the people cheered. When the first BombCor...

Pieces From a Universe Where Apes Became the Dominant Species Instead of Humans

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

Wacky Cop Cop: Freeze, crook! You’re under arrest! Wacky Cop: You’re going straight to jail, bud… ...

Bunker

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

Thank you for buying an ArmorSafe bunker! To finish your purchase, please select from the following ...

History of the Doomsday Clock

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

June 1, 1947: Scientists invent the Doomsday Clock, a symbol representing how close humanity is to d...

Pact

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

Well, here we are. Both 30, both single. Yeah. Hey, remember back in high school, we made a pact...

For Your Consideration: Ted Lasso

Lampy Sells Out # • by GPCP '22

For Your Consideration: Ted Lasso

Lampy Sells Out # • by GPCP '22

thegreatcoming2000.blogspot.com

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

January 2, 2000I know, I know, elephant in the room. I said the world was going to end at the dawn o...

City Nights, 3029

Mutually Assured Destruction # • by GPCP '22

It’s Saturday night, and I’m looking for trouble. Shades. Scowl. Leather jacket in all the right pla...

Chinese-Speaking White Boy SHOCKS Waitress With Taser

Upside Up # • by GPCP '22

Riddle

Upside Up # • by GPCP '22

Q: A man and his son get into a car accident. The father is killed, while the son is rushed to the h...

Actor Who Got Really Fat for a Movie

Upside Up # • by GPCP '22

- So I’m eating a pint of ice cream a day and chasing it with a rotisserie chicken, but a few weeks ...

John Quiñones, Host of the Hidden Camera Program What Would You Do?, Attempts To Buy Drugs on the Street

Upside Up # • by GPCP '22

John: I got the money right here. Let’s make this quick. Dealer: Say… aren’t you John Quiñones? J...

Chinese-Speaking White Boy SHOCKS Waitress With Taser

Upside Up # • by GPCP '22

Baseball Ghost

The Quixotic # • by GPCP '22

I clutched my Babe Ruth card in one hand and my necronomicon in the other. “The big game’s tomorrow,...

Home

Parodies

Paolo Pasco.css-1xlpnei{margin:0px -15px 0px 6px;width:11px;vertical-align:-14px;}

Paolo Pasco