Wacky Cop

Cop: Freeze, crook! You’re under arrest!

Wacky Cop: You’re going straight to jail, bud… banana jail!

[In the ape universe, banana jail is a place reserved only for the worst, most heinous crimes, and so would be an inappropriate punishment for a common thief]

* * * * * *

My Weird Body

I try to ignore the stares of my classmates as I walk to school. Yep, I walk on my hind legs. 

[In the ape universe, walking on hind legs, or being a “hindy,” was historically looked down on by members of the moneyed ape elite. Nowadays, this bias has fallen out of fashion and this piece is regarded as incredibly offensive for its time]

* * * * * *

Election

Kevin: You hear the news? Someone threw their shit at a White House correspondent so, by the laws of our nation, the presidential election is canceled. The incumbent’s here for four more years!

Brad: (nods solemnly) I’m with her.

[In the ape universe, Hillary Clinton became president]