Lieutenant Gumbo has been on the force for nearly a decade - that’s ten years, to our viewers at home. He’s the best the police departments got, solving cases that no one else can solve in his one-man police department, using his signature Cajun charm to disarm even the most cautious suspect while his keen mind and great poise does the rest. All that has led up to this moment – the solution to his greatest case.

As the evening wind swirls around his face, and his mouth swirls around a jelly donut, Lieutenant Gumbo points his finger at the Great Santini, the famous stage magician.

“You thought you’d gotten away with the perfect crime, Mr. Santini, but I’ve got one last question – how could a gator have eaten her after a boating accident at the same time as she was calling her mother to tell her about the life insurance policy you had just placed on her?”

“You’re crazy, Lieutenant. This is insane!”

The only thing the Lieutenant was crazy about was his wife’s crawdad étouffée and all those damn voices in his head…

“Mr. Santini, drop the act. I found this at the crime scene.”

Gumbo holds up a single gator tooth.

“What’s your point, lieutenant? That tooth just proves that it must have been a gator that ate her.”

“I found this tooth in your desk, Mr. Santini.” 

A hush falls over the nondescript wetland area the two men are standing in. Suddenly, CIA agents burst out of the mangrove trees surrounding them and cart away the fiendish villain. For a case that’s had as many twists as this one, you may think the surprises are done. Almost.

Lieutenant Gumbo’s stomach begins to growl–swamp work always makes him extra hungry– so he pulls out his phone and hails an Uber home. When he sees the name of the driver, his brow furrows. The app says that his driver is ET. He clicks the icon to see the driver’s photo, and sure enough, clear as day, it’s ET, the alien from the Steven Spielberg film ET.

“What the hell is this thing? It looks like a raisin.”

At that moment, an Uber slowly slides up to Lieutenant Gumbo, and ET rolls down the window. The alien says “hop in”, but ET can only speak in his own language, so it sounds more like “blagdaddlyborp”.