Glad I&rsquo;ve got someone interested in buying Tuxedo. My father died in this tuxedo, and then it was regifted to me one Christmas as a kid. She&rsquo;s been a second skin to me, and she&rsquo;ll be with you for a while.
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In this tux, I&rsquo;ve fought two wars and been discharged as many times. These stains here? German blood, with a little Irish from my mom&rsquo;s side. Turns out I bleed a lot, and the fabric isn&rsquo;t great for stopping bullets. But it is good for starting conversations. Private, why are you wearing a tuxedo? Right back at ya, sarge.
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Don&rsquo;t worry, the bow tie is included with the tux. Wearing a tux without a bow tie would be like showering without a tux.
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Wore this tux when I got married and wore it when I got divorced. She wanted to get her hands on this tux, but a lot of people want a lot of things. Enjoy the tux-less house and kids, Kathleen.
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Sure, I&rsquo;d love to not sell this tux. But I trust all the doctors telling me this is the right thing to do for my emotional and physical state. I just want to make sure she&rsquo;s on good shoulders.&nbsp;
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As with any well-worn item of clothing, she&rsquo;ll keep you surprised &mdash; I&rsquo;m always finding new pockets, new holes for my head, and new sleeves. Every day I look at Tuxedo and think: who rescued who?

Glad I’ve got someone interested in buying Tuxedo. My father died in this tuxedo, and then it was re...

Tuxedo

Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for&nbsp;fifty years to get one &mdash; mailroom all the way up to manager &mdash; and now my shitty kid won&rsquo;t stop fucking his girlfriend in it. I&rsquo;m pretty sure he knows I know. My pride and joy, defiled every night by my teenage son and his girlfriend, who he met because they both play oboe in the high school band. I tried sleeping in it to deter him, but he just used the front seat. Not a fun wakeup.
I guess that&rsquo;s the thing with dreams, you know? The more you build it up in your head, the worse it is when your seventeen year old son&nbsp;fingerblasts his girlfriend in it

Ever since I was little, I wanted a vanagon. I worked for fifty years to get one — mailroom all the ...

Vanagon

Hey Everyone i just wanted to send out a house-wide email to alert you of a Special problem that has come to my attention and that is Kermit the green muppit frog is hiding somewhere and I think he means to do us har m.
I cant say when exactly Kermet gained entry to our house but i can say for sure that hes here to do something very very bad. He Seriously wouldn&rsquo;t be here if he didn t have a nefarious plan.
About 430am last night I was playing with my pipes tryin to solve a problem with the toilet flushing directly into the sink. When I heard A nois e, as scary as you ever heard. I know that noise anywhere. it was Karmit. He scurried behind my radiator which keeps my room warm n toasty. I was to scared too finish my pipes, so it keeps flushing and I have nowhere to wash my dish.
Please respons with your own typed letter put on a thumb-tack under this letter in the laundy room. Thanks and happy Holiday.

Hey Everyone i just wanted to send out a house-wide email to alert you of a Special problem that has...

Kermit

Want to stop mowing your lawn like a quivering pussy? Then shut the fuck up and buy the GRASS- FUCKER 5000. Now, instead of bending over, opening your ass, and letting the grass make you its bitch, you can cut it like a real man should. Oh, and one more thing. Fuck you.
Heard enough? Too fucking bad. The GRASSFUCKER 5000 uses whips, maces, and all kinds of sick shit to send that grass back to wherever the fuck it thought to come from. It only took the GRASSFUCKER team 4,999 tries to make a lawnmower that wouldn&rsquo;t kill the user right fucking away. The patent office took one look at our fucking blueprints and choked on their own balls. They&rsquo;re dead now. So if you&rsquo;re looking for some kind of lame-ass government approval, go get a lawnmower from Tampons &ldquo;R&rdquo; Us.
Looking to buy? Our phone number is 1-800-GO-FUCK-YOURSELF and our website is grassfucker.com/you/have/never/made/a/woman/climax. If you&rsquo;re the kind of swinging dick guy who&rsquo;s giving it to his wife eight times a night and fifteen times on holidays, you&rsquo;ll know where to find us. If not, well, Home Depot sells the perfect tools to kill yourself with.
Happy mowing, you leach-covered blob of fat and disappointment.

Want to stop mowing your lawn like a quivering pussy? Then shut the fuck up and buy the GRASS-FUCKER...

Michael Skerrett.css-1xlpnei{margin:0px -15px 0px 6px;width:11px;vertical-align:-14px;}

Michael Skerrett