1. Toodle-ee-doo! The trumpet song wakes me up&mdash;time to canoe to breakfast.
2. I eat slop with the gang. Timmy shows us a scab he got wrestling a bear and we name him our king. Plan for the day: Do boy things with my man friends.
3. Uh oh! There&rsquo;s Susie Schwartz, the hottest girl at Camp Konakwee. She skips to the canteen and seductively dumps a bucket of iced tea on her head. Timmy immediately passes out. Susie throws us a coy little wink as mosquitos devour her body.
4. We play dodgeball, the sport of kings. I hit the fat kid in the face and his chest ripples violently. Even on his dying day, Ol&rsquo; Jiggle Tits never lives this down.
5. Lunch: More slop. Susie leads a tie- dye demonstration and the boys come of age.
6. It&rsquo;s scorching hot, so we cartwheel to the lake. We tie up Jiggle Tits and swing him into the murky water. Nice! Here at Camp Kweeterkwon, summer is forever.
7. Darn: Susie skips too close to the forest and is eaten by a bear. The camp declares a state of emergency. Getting in formation, we line the cabins with macaroni dreamcatchers.
8. Timmy cries because the bear attack reminds him that his dog is sick, or something. I&nbsp;find a worm in my foot after weeks of not bathing, but I keep this to myself.

1. Toodle-ee-doo! The trumpet song wakes me up—time to canoe to breakfast.
2. I eat slop with the g...

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S. Gohel