&ldquo;And here you&rsquo;ll see the world&rsquo;s fastest animal, the cheetah. A beautiful example of nature&rsquo;s ability to adapt to the harsh landscape of the African safari, an adult Cheetah can reach speeds of up to 70 miles an hour over short distances.&rdquo;
&nbsp;
&ldquo;Oh my god, what is that?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&nbsp;
Two Cheetahs roped together approach the tour bus at over 140 miles per hour 
&nbsp;

“And here you’ll see the world’s fastest animal, the cheetah. A beautiful example of nature’s abilit...

Safari

Lifeguard: (sips smoothie) I&rsquo;m just saying: if your kid was &ldquo;drowning in the deep end&rdquo; then someone should jump in and save him.
Mother: You! You save him! I asked you!
Lifeguard: I can&rsquo;t&ndash; I just ate. (gestures to smoothie) I&rsquo;m required to wait 30 minutes before swimming again. We don&rsquo;t want two&ndash; What&rsquo;s your son&rsquo;s name?
Mother: Rodney.
Lifeguard: We don&rsquo;t want two Rodneys now, do we?
Rodney: Hurry! I&rsquo;m swallowing water at a dangerous rate!
Lifeguard: Rules are the rules. Read the book. Never broke one before. Why start now?&nbsp;
(30 minutes pass)
Lifeguard: Well I guess I shouldn&rsquo;t save someone on an empty stomach&hellip;. (sips smoothie)
Rodney: Hurry!
Lifeguard: Oh, no. This is embarrassing. You guys are gonna laugh&ndash; I did something so dumb! (gestures to smoothie)&hellip;.I just ate.
Mother: Hold on Rodney! I&rsquo;m almost certified.&nbsp;
Lifeguard: Oh my gosh.. I&rsquo;ve been so rude. Would you like some smoothie, Rodney?
Rodney: Just hold out your hand an inch and I can grab it!
Lifeguard: I guess sometimes the rules are meant to be broken. This could be my destiny.
Lifeguard: (dives into pool. breaks spine.)
Rodney: I drank all the water.

Lifeguard: (sips smoothie) I’m just saying: if your kid was “drowning in the deep end” then someone ...

Lifeguarding

Antarctica - There aren&rsquo;t many permanent residents so the scientists make friends with penguins and even play soccer with them. A penguin doesn&rsquo;t roll as fast as a traditional ball but it does mate for life.
Great Britain - In England they pronounce &ldquo;privacy&rdquo; like &ldquo;privacy&rdquo; and &ldquo;the rest of the world&rdquo; like &ldquo;Great Britain.&rdquo; They also drive on the wrong side. Wheels straight up to the sky.
Provo, Utah - Great place to play hide-n-seek with your wives.
Africa - Africa, like that song, you know the one, super catchy kind of repetitive uhhhhh kind of disco-y bit of a one hit wonder mmm longing for that hurry boy ummm 4thalbum 12:30 flight ooohhhh wild dogs echo in the you know uhhmmmm David Paich Jeff Porcaro bass drum snare drum marimba conga frightened of this thing mmmmmm Nelson Mandela&rsquo;s funeral hmm dum dum dum da dum da dum ummm oh hang on I&rsquo;ve almost got it bless the rains down in oh well whatever.&nbsp;
Italy - Love is a canal in Venice. Italy is the perfect place to fall in love as long as you know how to swim.
Alaska - Great place to hide your wife.
Nepal - Buddhists and Christians both believe in rebirth but I don&rsquo;t because when I died on Everest I was reborn as a Jew.
Mount Rushmore - Nature is truly amazing. The mountain looks just like people.&nbsp;
Chicago, Illinois &ndash; The &ldquo;Asia&rdquo; of Chicago, Illinois.
Asia - Asia, like that song, you know the one, super catchy, bit of a one hit wonder, kind of disco-y oh yes Chicago by Sufjan Stevens.
Norway - Dumpsters? Heavy metal. Cars? Heavy metal. All industrial machinery from Norway? Heavily taxed. Socialism is not a joke. Heavy metal is a joke because it is bad music.
Montana - Great place to hide from the Missouri police.&nbsp;
Transatlantic Cruise Liner - The great thing about being on a boat is that nobody knows you&rsquo;re drunk. You can stagger around nauseous and all that anyone will say is, &ldquo;This guy&rsquo;s so drunk he thinks he&rsquo;s on a boat. Someone needs to call him a cab.&rdquo;

Antarctica - There aren’t many permanent residents so the scientists make friends with penguins and ...

All Natural #.css-1xlpnei{margin:0px -15px 0px 6px;width:11px;vertical-align:-14px;}

All Natural #