For Your Consideration #
Summer 2020
Femme Fatale
For Your Consideration # • by VIN '21-'22
She walks into the room and grabs my attention. Or maybe she grabs my hand. I’m shaking now. No, we’...
Hamilton
For Your Consideration # • by JLN '21-22
This is the real story of something that occurred to me in 2008.
John Weidman ‘68: I hear we have a...
A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
For Your Consideration # • by FSS '21
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who have seen...
Blockbuster
For Your Consideration # • by MAG '21-'22
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to rent a m...
A Taste of My Own Medicine
For Your Consideration # • by YMC '21-'22
Most people don’t believe this, but my job wasn’t always swindling terminally-ill people into buying...
2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
For Your Consideration # • by JLG '21
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it looks lik...
Mall Santa
For Your Consideration # • by JPW '21
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh.
I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just drone s...
Answering Machine
For Your Consideration # • by GPL '21-'22
– (pickup) Hello?
– Doc?! Is that you? It’s Billy.
– The Doctor is in! What’s up?
– (angrily) Wh...
Operation Enduring Freedom
For Your Consideration # • by BWM '19-'21
George Bush: Good afternoon. On my orders the United States military has begun coordinated attacks ...
How Long Have You Been Unemployed?
For Your Consideration # • by LRK '21-'22
Uncle Buck: That’s an incredibly personal question.
Me: I’m just asking because I’m in charge of th...
TV Salesman
For Your Consideration # • by ZDG '20
Bread the TV Salesman started the day like any other: with a hot cup of coffee and a curse to his mo...
Shark Tank U.S.S.R
For Your Consideration # • by PKS '21-'22
Host: Welcome to Shark Tank USSR.
Alexei: Privet, sharks. Today I am asking for 0 rubles in exchan...
The Art of the Username
For Your Consideration # • by PKS '21-'22
Choosing a permanent username is a lot like choosing a name for your new baby insofar as it’s fuckin...
My Piece About What It Would Be Like If I Wrote A Piece for the FYC #
For Your Consideration # • by CDL '21
– What started out as a frankly disgusting case of unbelievable obesity had snowballed into a horrib...
Street Fight
For Your Consideration # • by MAG '21-'22
Biker #1: You shouldn’t have knocked that drink out of my hand in there. Now you’re gonna pay.
Joh...
Bad Days
For Your Consideration # • by MAG '21-'22
– When Dad broke out of jail and decided to hold his second family hostage instead of ours.
– When ...
There’s No More Gazpacho In The Cupboard
For Your Consideration # • by MMM '20
– What?
– There’s no more cans of gazpacho in our cupboard. The hell am I supposed to eat?
– I don...
J. Robert Oppenheimer signs an NDA
For Your Consideration # • by CDL '21
– You understand that after you sign this document you cannot discuss the Manhattan Project with any...
Crying in the Rain
For Your Consideration # • by BWM '19-'21
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People are pr...
Cryobank Waiting Room
For Your Consideration # • by JLN '21-22
- First time?
- Yeah. Gotta pay rent somehow.
- Rent? (scoffs) Rent? Look aroun...
Best Picture
For Your Consideration # • by BWM '19-'21
But just what a year for movies! All my friends tell me, they tell me George Clooney, you love movie...