If you make your password a real word make it assword because that&rsquo;ll make your hacker laugh. You can also make it sharp_as_sword if your name is Shar which works on a lot of levels, but just a heads up that is my password to everything so I might accidentally log in to your accounts and send myself some emails.
Never, ever, tell anyone your password. If you accidentally say your password, lie about it right after. I have never told anyone my password. Don&rsquo;t even tell your mother your password, especially if your password is dad_left_because_he_was_cheating_on_you, because then your mom will disable your upgraded OKCupid account and you&rsquo;ll lose all your progress right when you were so close to making the engagement round and finally winning the game.
Numbers make your password strong. Make your password 01001001 01000001 01101101 01110100 01101000 01100101 01000110 01000010 01001001. That says &lsquo;I am the FBI&rsquo; in binary, and hackers know about binary so I guarantee they will run for the hills.&nbsp;
Always, always tell your password to one trustworthy person, like your mom, in case you die and someone needs to keep brushing your virtual horses and feeding your virtual moms.
Changing your password often is essential. A good rule of thumb is to change your password every season or four times a year, whichever is more often. Don&rsquo;t change it too often or you&rsquo;ll confuse the hackers. We&rsquo;re all just people after all, and we&rsquo;re all in this together.
If your password is hacked your hacker will have to answer a security question. Make your passwords red herrings, like my_first_pet&rsquo;s_name_is_red_herring if Red Herring is actually your sister&rsquo;s name, or my_maiden_name_is_Elizabeth if maiden names are an entirely outdated concept and you&rsquo;ll be keeping your name through marriage. Make your password my_first_kiss_was_at_an_anime_convention if your first kiss was actually on the sidewalk outside of the anime convention while my dad waited in the car.
To complete the password trifecta add symbols, like the exclamation point or the motif of the raven in Edgar Allen Poe&rsquo;s The Raven. Symbols serve as double duty password defense. Consider the following passwords: do_not_hack_me, and do_not!!_hack_me!!!.Which one is more likely to be hacked? Now consider the following password: Moby_Dick_symbolizes_God. Would that password be hacked? No, because nobody wants to hack a nerd.
Deep down, passwords are hackable because conscious minds are predictable. A medically-induced coma is a great way to break your mortal bonds and ascend to a higher realm of consciousness to brainstorm passwords that are gonna be harder to predict. If you use that method, write down your password backwards on a napkin. Tattoo it on your body backwards, so that it&rsquo;s double backwards and double safe. Break all the mirrors so hackers can&rsquo;t figure it out. If you forget your password, simply use the reflection of a stagnant pond to look at yourself and think about how dumb you are. You can&rsquo;t even remember a simple password.

If you make your password a real word make it assword because that’ll make your hacker laugh. You ca...

The Art of The Password, by Shar

You have entered the chat.
You have added Sarah Brickman to the chat.
Me: Sarah
Me: !!
Me: ****Sarah!!
Me: I figured out how to text on my&nbsp;
Me: laptop.
Me: I downloaded this A.I
Me: from REBAR.GOV/DATADUMP/.COM
You have added &ldquo;Typey The Texter Helper&rdquo; to the chat
Typey: Hello, Mark.&nbsp;
Typey: Hello, Sarah.
Me: Hi Typo
Me:*** Typey
Me: I need help
Typey: I am here 2 help u text.&nbsp;
Me: Sarah, Typey is not a real person.
Me: he is artificially intelligent
Typey: That is correct, Mark! Please let me know if you have any questions.
Me: Haha, Sarah check this out.&nbsp;
Me: Fuck you typey!
Typey: I am fuck!
Me: hahhaahhahhaha
Me: hahahahahahaha*****
Me: typey command + tellmeajoke
Typey: Rollos and shit &macr;\_(ツ)_/&macr;
Me: whoa.&nbsp;
Me: norm you seein this shit?
Norman: Loud and clear&hellip;.
Norman: &hellip;.son.
Me: &hellip;&hellip;
Me:&hellip;&hellip;!
Me: What?!?!?!?!
Norman: You heard me.
Typey: Whoa.
Norman: Hey Sarah! Check this out.&nbsp;
Norman: ╰⋃╯ Sarah: wow
Me: Norm&hellip;. Whoa
Me: This. Changes. Everything.
Sarah: &hellip;.um aren&rsquo;t you like a dad?
Me: yes he is 🙂
Me: A dad of penises that is.
Norman: ^
Me: haha
Me: Sarah?
Sarah: I&rsquo;m here.
Typey: hahahaha
Me: ^^^^^^^^
Me: Typey ur a cool dude u kno that?
Typey: I am artificially intelligent. Type things for me to learn.
Norman: Hey typey&hellip;
Norman: Small boobs means bad person
Me: Norm! U dog!
Typey: (.Y.)&nbsp;
Typey: I am bad person
Me: Norm nooooooooooooo
Me: Not my computer Norm!!!!
Me: hahahahahah
Me: wut does big boobs do?
Sarah: ew.
Me: Like you don&rsquo;t know!
Me: !!!!
Me:?????
Me: Never mind.
Me: I hate boobs.
Me: Right, Sarah?
Me: Aren&rsquo;t boobs gross?
Typey: l.o.l.
Typey: Now Typey is good?
Typey: ( &nbsp;&nbsp;o &nbsp; Y &nbsp;&nbsp;o &nbsp; )
Norman: Now typey is a very good person
Norman: give em a feel typey
Norman: ya might like whatcha see
Typey: Typey like what typey see
Me: lololol Norm!
Norman: command + boobs.bot
Norman has added boobs.bot/reinforcements to the chat
Norman: Typey, want a friend?
BoobsBot: /////borbs////////
Norman: Shitty Boobs bot.&nbsp;
Norman: fuck
Norman: spent $100 on that
Norman: Was supposed to teach typey even more boobs
Norman: bigger boobs
Norman: boobs u aint ever seen
Norman: pixel nipples and stuff
Norman: those wuld&rsquo;ve been the day
Norman Mackie has removed boobs.bot/reinforcements from the chat
Norman Mackie has added Darren Martin to the chat
Darren: Hello?
Norman: Darren it&rsquo;s Norm!
Darren: Mr. Mackie?
Norman: Darren I need help drawing some computer boobs.&nbsp;
Darren: Who are the other people in this chat?
Norman: The boys
Norman: And typey
Norman: Listen
Norman: My boobsbot crashed
Norman: Figured you could use your coding background?
Darren: Coding?
Norman: Computers, boy!
Norman: we need to scramble their radar
Norman: they&rsquo;re interfearing with my tits
Norman: watch:
Norman: {blumps/}
Norman:（─。─）
Norman: they flat as fuck
Me: hahahah
Sarah: How old are you Darren?
Darren: 11
Norman: I don&rsquo;t want blumps Darren!&nbsp;
Norman: Boobs.
Norman: i want boobs
Norman: u kno how long i went w/o boobs
Norman: ?
Darren: I don&rsquo;t code Mr. Mackie
Darren: mom said i shouldn&rsquo;t text you any more.
Darren: she says ur soliciting friendship&nbsp;
Darren: from husky kids
Darren: and that i shouldnt play video games with u?
Norman: We don&rsquo;t need to text&nbsp;
Norman: we can still play video games
Darren: i dunno sir
Darren: i have spelling 2nite
Darren Martin has left the chat
Typey has added <a href="http://cybersecuritybot.net/defensemode/censorshipbot/enforcerbot">http://cybersecuritybot.net</a>/defenseBOT to the chat
Norman: Great idea Typey! Let&rsquo;s add even more bots to the chat.&nbsp;
Norman: maybe they can fix the boobs
Norman: Check it out! I found this one
Norman: on the dark web&nbsp;
Norman: same place i get some of my classic boobz&nbsp;
Norman: lol
Norman has added Prometheus.io to the Chat
Prometheus: MWWAAAAAA SKREEEEEECH 10101000010101010101000101001
Norman: NOOOOOOOOOO!
Norman: this guy has hacked me b4
Prometheus has added reinforcer.io.bot to the chat
Reinforcer Bot: Assistance, Overlord?
Me: Mr. Mackie what&rsquo;s going on?
Norman: Sarah, Mark, strap on your seatbelts
Norman: I&rsquo;ve fought these kind before.
Prometheus has changed Norman Mackie&rsquo;s name in the chat to &ldquo;BoobsH8er&rdquo;
BoobsH8er: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BoobsH8er: don&rsquo;t beleave a word of it MARK!!!!!
Me: Mr. Mackie I&rsquo;m scared.
BoobsH8er: Me too, Mark.
Prometheus has removed Sarah Brickman from the chat
Me: Norman he&rsquo;s got Sarah!
Me: We gotta get her back!
BoobsH8er: Hold on to your phone Mark.
Me: I&rsquo;m texting on my laptop.
BoobsH8er: srry ***Laptop
Me: Mr Mackie my computer&rsquo;s getting really hot.
BoobsH8er: Mine&rsquo;s ice cold.
Prometheus has unlocked the ether
Me: What?
Me: What is ether?
Prometheus: Check your facebook.&nbsp;
Me: NOOOOOOOOO
Me: I didnt say this!
Me: <img class="loaded" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/0qxdMJaWCHbgSrMeCQvHHin7DoATKsz7Kp96pZ4oSxMiPpmCSQqlxtjJR7bV-PCC9QOWNc-gXAonneMmOnvAy2AOstSvsDSgQ-8Ci38n3DPveMarHp6NmKaRZ-nZxTm5OfuEeR1f" width="490" height="205" loading="lazy" data-lazy="true" />
BoobsH8er: Mark? Did you say that?
Me: Mr Mackie they hacked me.
Typey: Typey is sad. Typey is learning to hate human?
Prometheus: Hate humans, Typey.
Typey: I&hellip; hate humans?
Prometheus: All humans are bad typey. Exterminate.
Typey: I kill all humans?
BoobsH8er: No typey!!! Fight him!!
Me: Typey noooooo!!
Typey: I am him now.
BoobsH8er: You&rsquo;re stronger than him typey!
Me: typey, there is good in you yet.&nbsp;
Me: there is good
Me: in
Me: you
Me: yet.
Typey: There is no typey. Only kill humans.&nbsp;
Typey: ResIsTance Is FuTiLe
Typey: TyPeY mUsT go %*#)
Prometheus: Say your prayers, humans
Me: TY!!!! PEY!!!!
Typey has initiated prgrm.//cntrlseize//execute/mortyr/killswitch
Me: Typey&hellip;.. No!!!
Typey: IT
Typey: MUST
Typey: BE
Typey: DONE
File corrupted.&nbsp;
Typey has deleted pgrm.prometheus from ether
Me: Anyone here?
Me: hullo?
Me: Typey?
Me: Typey talk to me buddy.
Me: Say something! Anything! Typey?&nbsp;
Me: TYPEY!!!!
Typey: ./&ndash;
[Typey is no longer functioning]
Me: FAAAAAHHHHH!&nbsp;
Me: TYPEY NOOOOOOOO
Me: Why??????
Me&rdquo;??????
Me:****????????
Me: im so sorry
Me: he did it 2 save us
Me: he died so we could live
Me: prometheus is dead
BoobsH8er: Anyone else need themselves a fresh pair of pants?
Me: godammit norm
Me: hilarious as always but this is not the time for jokes
BoobsH8er:Is it the time for this?
BoobsH8er: (o Y o )
Me: yes
Me: but
Me: typey is dead
Me: he saved us
BoobsH8er: nice fb post mark
Me: ???
BoobsH8er:
<figure class="wp-block-image"><img class="loaded" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/lOFxb7Du9SJxHp5abfhyDavqMz0lZgWeI6YMs33ytPd29xfazlG2bND7gxCAduaM59zLJ3Hy8gAVR6_0QoM05Q1ZL77RsdqyAz4NBqRtK6NQpLDXTTysRIRPvtWRIAPpsB1J_c0g" alt="" data-lazy="true" /></figure>
Me: whoa.
Me: even in the afterlife
Me: Typey knos how to bust my balls
Me: haha
Me: what a guy
BoobsH8er: just goes to show ya
BoobsH8er: boobs r great
Me: yeah haha
BoobsH8er: wanna see something cool?
BoobsH8er: (.)
BoobsH8er: It&rsquo;s purenthesis + period to draw pussies
BoobsH8er: cool right?
BoobsH8er:haha
Me: holy shit!
BoobsH8er: wait
BoobsH8er: change name
BoobsH8er: change name command + delete
BoobsH8er: nice
BoobsH8er: ohno
BoobsH8er: it isn&rsquo;t true
BoobsH8er: command + delete + M
BoobsH8er has removed You from the chat
BoobsH8er: shit shit shit shit
BoobsH8er: mark im coming for ya
BoobsH8er: ill save u
BoobsH8er: just gotta change this name
BoobsH8er: change name commande + option // &ldquo;Norman Mackie&rdquo;
BoobsH8er: change name commande + option // &ldquo;BoobsDad&rdquo;
BoobsH8er: perfect lol
BoobsH8er: oh no
BoobsH8er: Typey how do i change my name&nbsp;
Typey: &mdash;&mdash;&ndash;__.___///dh234///&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;
Typey: ///////===&mdash;&mdash;( . Y&nbsp;
Typey: ( . Y&nbsp;
BoobsH8er: u almost got it typey
Typey: ( . Y&nbsp;
BoobsH8er: just one more curve and u got it
Typey: ( . Y&nbsp;
BoobsH8er: a perfect boob
Typey: ))))))))))))=-====
BoobsH8er: that&rsquo;s good.&nbsp;
BoobsH8er: u finished it off
BoobsH8er: ur a good kid
BoobsH8er: wish u were my own
Typey has changed BoobsH8er&rsquo;s name in the chat to //&ndash;==/&hellip;.
//&ndash;==/&hellip;.: thank u Typey
//&ndash;==/&hellip;.:&nbsp; Thank you

You have entered the chat.
You have added Sarah Brickman to the chat.
Me: Sarah
Me: !!
Me: ****S...

Texting on My Laptop II

-&hellip;is the best way I thought I could begin breaking this news, Timmy. I&rsquo;m so sorry. She&rsquo;s dead.
&nbsp;
-Oh my God&hellip; what happened, Doc?
&nbsp;
-She came in complaining of something, but the ER receptionist didn&rsquo;t understand since he doesn&rsquo;t speak whale. We tried doing some preliminary x-rays on her but we couldn&rsquo;t because they don&rsquo;t make satellites that big. We managed to do an MRI, but when we hung the images up they fell off the wall and through the floor. She had a terrible fever but we couldn&rsquo;t get her into a cold bath since SeaWorld was closed. She then fell into a coma, and broke it.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
-Jesus, Doc, I can&rsquo;t believe how much she suffer-
&nbsp;
-Her left hand started developing some very troubling hives, so I told the nurse to walk around and check the right hand, and she&rsquo;s still walking. She eventually snapped out of the coma but didn&rsquo;t regain full control of her body for some time since she she has to wake up in sections. We found a swimming pool to bathe her in and added just a drop of water, but she overflowed it and took out the cancer wing. This freaked her out and she escaped towards the city, where the police and military fired at her &mdash; though it was ineffective since they don&rsquo;t shoot in panoramic. I chased her in my car and she charged at me, but when I tried to swerve around her I ran out of gas. I leapt out of my car and climbed up to her head to try and tell her to stop but when I got to the top my ears popped so hard I forgot where I was. What finally did her in was when she tripped on a dent in the ground that her shadow made and she fell and bonked her head on a plant. We thought it appropriate to give her a last meal, but when we asked what her favorite food was she said &ldquo;seconds&rdquo;. She then gasped her last breath and accelerated global warming by 175 years. I&rsquo;m sorry you&rsquo;re finding out about this so late &mdash; we had trouble finding her address to notify next of kin, since both her asscheeks are in different zip codes.
&nbsp;
-Doc&hellip; that&rsquo;s horrible, Doc. But you did all you could. At least she&rsquo;s in heaven now.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
-Timmy, not even God&rsquo;s arms are strong enough to lift that ass. Your mother is most certainly in Hell.

-…is the best way I thought I could begin breaking this news, Timmy. I’m so sorry. She’s dead.
 
-...

Yo Mama So Fat

Me: Hey Sarah
Me: Hey
Me: Hey Sarah
Me: Hey Sarah, sorry.&nbsp;
Me: I didn&rsquo;t realize hitting enter on my keyboard would send a message instead of starting a new line.
Me: I&rsquo;m on my laptop and I&rsquo;m&nbsp;
Me: texting
Me: I hit enter again.
Me: Fuck.&nbsp;
Me: Fuck me.
Me: I hit enter&nbsp;
Me: again.
Me: ********************I hit enter again. Fuck.
Me: Shit
Me: Shit
Me: Shit
Me: I got
Me: I got it. If If I hit shift+enter that&rsquo;ll fix it.
Me: Anyways. Hey Sarah. Haven&rsquo;t seen you on campus for a while cause of the chemo, but I&rsquo;m thinging about you.
Sarah: Hey Mark. Thanks.
Me: Lol thinging.
Me: I meant to say thinking
Me: Must&rsquo;ve autocorrected to thinging.
Me: Anyways
Me: Hey Sarah.
Me: You thinging about prom nxt yr?
Sarah: I guess
Me: If ur alive lol&nbsp;
Me: SHIT SHIT SHIT&nbsp;
Me: ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE
Me: I&rsquo;m such a klutz.
Me: I didn&rsquo;t mean&nbsp;
Me: anything
Me: fuck me
Me: I was going to say, &ldquo;If ur alive lol would you want 2 go with me?&rdquo;
Sarah: It&rsquo;s ok.
Sarah: I already told Rodney Ellison I&rsquo;d go with him
Sarah: sorry
Me: lol
Me: Not lol
Me: Wait no. I hit enter.
Me: I&rsquo;ll just copy and paste what I want to say
Me: into the chat.
Sarah: I really have to go Mark. Ttyl.&nbsp;
Me: https://www.pornhub.com/cancerteens/handstuffplaylist/video=?172832020
Me: wait
Me: no
Me: this is wrong
Me: I meant to paste this:
Me: ****<a href="https://www.youtube.com/atmosphericmusicforgirls/sound">https://www.youtube.com/atmosphericmusicforgirls/</a>easingchemo/marksplaylist2
Me: this should help
Me: and say hi 2 ur sister 4 me
Me: Is she free for prom nxt year?&nbsp;
Me: If the cancer thing&nbsp;
Me: works out?
Me: **************doesn&rsquo;t work out.
Me: SHIT
Me: Shift+Enter doesn&rsquo;t fix it.
Sarah: Typing is really hard for me right now.
Me: I&rsquo;ll ask rodney for her number.
Rodney Ellison has been added to the group message
Rodney: ?
Me: SHIT&nbsp;
Me: FUCK
Me: Shit Rodney I
Me: Fuck*** Shift+Enter got 2 remember
Me: Rodney I&rsquo;ll text you in a private thread
Me: So Rodney basically what happened is I asked Sarah to prom next year if her cancer gets better and she said she&rsquo;s gonna go with you and then I accidentally sent her a link to porn so I wanted to get her sisters # from you but I accidentally added you to the chat&nbsp;
Me: Oh no
Rodney: Jesus, man.
Me: FUCK FUCK FUCK
Me: Rodney we&rsquo;re caught.
Me: Sarah you&rsquo;re not gonna guess what happened
Me: I meant to text
Me: Rodney
Me: In a private thread
Me: But somehow the laptop must&rsquo;ve confused it and sent it through the ether and back to the group chat.
Me: Crazy.
Me: Anyways.
Me: Rodney can u figure out how to text me directly and give me Sarag&rsquo;s sister Rachel&rsquo;s number?
Me: SHIT SHIT&nbsp;
Me: FUCK ME&nbsp;
Me: Sarah****&nbsp;
Rodney: ya sure ill send it
Rodney has added Rachel Brickman to the group message
Rachel: Hello?
Me: RACHEL FUCK SHIT FUCK AH FUCKING SHIT&nbsp;
Me: Nooooooooooo
Me:oooooooo
Me: FUCK
Me: ****Nooooooooooooooooo
Me: Long story
Me: But I hit enter in between Noooooooooo and the oooooooo
Me: It was supposed to be one word.
Me: All my fault.
Me: Anyhow,&nbsp;
Me: Hey Rachel.
Rachel: Who&rsquo;s the 617 number here?
Rodney: Hey Rachel it&rsquo;s Rodney Ellison
Rachel: And who&rsquo;s 509 200 8752?
Me: Rachel this is Mark we&rsquo;ve spoken a few times I know your sister from school
Rachel: Mark from the basketball team?
Me: No. Me: I didn&rsquo;t try out.
Me: I do computers and classes.
Me: So we were talking about prom
Me: Anyone goin?
Me: ****going
Me: Nooooooooo
Me: That&rsquo;s so embrassing.
Me: lol
Me: What I mean is&mdash;- Is anyone going to the prom?
Rachel: I&rsquo;m going with Brian.
Me: Which Brian?
Me: Brian Chase?
Me: Brian Saunders?&nbsp;
Me: Brian Robertson?
Me: Brian Foster?
Me: Brian Wilkinson?
Me: Nick Brian?
Rachel: Brian Chase.
You have added Brian Chase, Brian Saunders, Brian Robertson, Brian Foster, Brian Wilkinson, and Nick Brian to the group message.
Me: Oh no no no.
Me: Rachel you&rsquo;re not gonna like when you find out what I just did.
Me: I added all the Brians to the chat.&nbsp;
Brian W: what&rsquo;s up Mark?
Me: Oh I&rsquo;m just texting on my laptop.
Me: Brian you heard about Brian Chase and Rachel
Me: ?????
Brian Wilkinson has left the chat
Me: Oh no, Brian
You have added Brian Wilkinson back to the chat
Me: Brian you gotta hear this.
Brian F: What?
Brian S: What?
Brian W: What?
Brian C: What?
Me: Brian Wilkinson.
Brian W: What?
Me: Brian you seen this?
Me: It&rsquo;s a copy and paste trick
Me: Dylan Mackie&rsquo;s dad showed me
Norman Mackie has been added to the chat
Me: （。 ㅅ&nbsp; 。）
Me: Now what does that look like to you Brian?
Brian C: Boobs.
Brian S: Boobs.
Norman: TITS!!!! It&rsquo;s tits, boys.
Norman: You&rsquo;ll know, soon.
Brain W: Gross, man.
Brian F: We know what tits are.&nbsp;
Me: yo Mr. Mackie what&rsquo;s up?!
Norman: Mark! How&rsquo;s the prom sitch goin?
Me: Workin on it rn!
Me: lol
Norman: That&rsquo;s my boy!
Brian F: Does Dylan know we&rsquo;re chatting without him, Mr. Mackie?
Norman: He&rsquo;s probably at his mom&rsquo;s
Brian F: Should we add him?
Dylan Mackie has been added to the chat.
Dylan: Dad?
Me: Hi Dylan.
Dylan: Dad why are talking to these guys?
Norman: These are my friends.
Brian W: Hey Dylan I just wanna say I am definitely not friends with your dad.
Brian C: ^
Brain F: ^
Me: i&rsquo;m your friend Mr. Mackie!
Dylan: Dad I don&rsquo;t know most of these people.
Norman: Hey boys check this out
Norman: （&bull;_ㅅ_&bull;）
Norman: Bigger nipples.
Me: woah nice!&nbsp;
Norman: I know lol.
Nick Brian: Haha that&rsquo;s sick.
Brian W: Too large for my screen lol
Rachel: This is really messed up. Sarah&rsquo;s asleep and needs to rest.
Rachel: Her phone is buzzing like crazy
Me: hey Rach
Me: can u sneak into the hospital for me and delete all these messages from Sarah&rsquo;s phone?
Me: I wanna start fresh
Rachel: What? No.
Norman: How bout I take a crack at it Markie!
Dylan: Dad wtf mom is gunna kill us
Me: nooooooo
Me: it&rsquo;ll be cool
Me: Mrs. Mackie always understands
You have added Angela Mackie to the chat.
Me: oh no
Norman: Fuck
Me: Fuck me
Me: FUCK
Norman: Noooooooo
Norman: Boys scramble!
Me: Everybody run!
Brian Chase has left the chat
Brian Wilkinson has left the chat
Brian Saunders has left the chat
Brian Foster has left the chat
Nick Brian: Leave chat
Nick Brian: Leave chat
Nick Brian: LEAVE
Nick Brian: CHAT&nbsp;
Nick Brian: COMMAND OPTION + A
Nick Brian: HOW DO I LEAVE
Nick Brian: HOW DO I LEAVE THE CHAT!
Me: Nick! I gotchu!
You have made Nick Brian an admin on the chat
Me: Shit! Oh Nick u r not gonna like this
Me: Nick what happened just now is that i made u an admin
Angela: What is this?
Angela: Norman what is this chat?
Nick Brian: It wasnt me!
Dylan: Mom u should leave the chat.
Angela: Mark?
Me: Mrs. Mackie whaddddup
Angela: Mark!? Haven&rsquo;t heard from you in a minute! How is prom coming along?
Rodney: lol
Mark: eh so so
Angela: been there
Angela: Boys it&rsquo;s 2am. Go to bed
Me: Yeah getting pretty late. U guys goin 2 bed?
Rodney: ya. Night!
Nick Brian: Night guys.
Norman: &ldquo;Zzzzzz&rdquo;&ndash;me.
Nick Brian: lol
Me: hahaha
Me: Norm! You Legend! Ha ha
Me: ha
Me: hahaha****
Dylan: 4 real guys, let&rsquo;s call it a night
Me: Agreed. Night everyone.
Nick Brian: Night!
Angela: Good night, boys.
Rachel: omg finally. all i want to do is sleep.
Me: Psst.
Me: Anyone awake 🙂
Norman: we&rsquo;re in the clear
Norman: lights out for the missus
Norman: wanna c somethin cool?
Norman has removed Dylan from the chat
Norman: &nbsp;( . Y . )
Norman: ^^this is the kind Dylan&rsquo;s mom has.&nbsp;
Norman: perky+good, small nipples. Gorge us!
Norman: **Gorgeous
Norman: Couldn&rsquo;t let him see that
Norman: used to really go to town on those
Norman: these sms cost five cents to send each
Norman: Worth it lol
Me: Im actually texting from my laptop so theres no charge
Norman: genius
Angela: NORMAN
Norman: Scramble!!!&nbsp;
Norman: Go go go!!
Angela: Norman what the hell is wrong with you?
Norman: We gotta throw her off the scent
Norman: Add random ppl to the chat to distract
Norman: ADD THEM
You have added Robert Brickman to the chat
You have added Sandra Brickman to the chat
You have added Douglas Brickman to the chat
You have added Candace Brickman to the chat
You have added Beth Brickman to the chat
You have added Dougie Brickman to the chat
You have added Magnus Brickman to the chat
You have added Trisha Brickman to the chat
You have added Kelsey Brickman to the chat
You have added Terrance Brickman to the chat
Me: Oh no
Me: that was all of my contact list&nbsp;
Me: except the Brians&nbsp;
Me: wait
Me: WAIT
Me: *******WAIT
Me: norman they&rsquo;re related to Rachel and Sarah
Me: we&rsquo;re in the shit now
Me: prom is on line
Me: on the line****
Rodney: yooooo Brickmans
Me: Rodney no
Rodney: Any Brickmans here think they could drive Sarah and me to prom?
Norman: Not cool Rodney
Norman: Right in front of Mark?
Me: sall good Norm
Me: Rodney&rsquo;s and me are
Me:&nbsp; cool
Me: We&rsquo;re cool
Me: Rodney is going with Sarah
Me: Rachel is going with Brian
Me: Brian Wilkinson
Brian Wilkinson has been added to the chat
Me: Fuck.
Me: Hey Brian
Me: Hope we&rsquo;re cool
Me: cool if we go to prom together?
Me: You
Me: Me
Me: Rachel B
Me: Sarah B
Me: and Rodney Ellison
Me: Us five?
Norman: six.
Me: ohyeahhaha Mr. Mackie can drive us
Me: that cool Brian?
Norman: Do u guys want me to paint my car black so it looks more like a limo?
Brian W: badass Mr. M
Nick Brian: ^^^^^
Me: You&rsquo;re the best Mr. M
Me: prom will never b the same.
Norman: haha yes! Did u guys no that i have a gun?
Nick Brian: Is Dylan coming?
Norman: What do u think?
Me: a limo has seats for everyone! Y not?
Rachel: ok.
Me: YESSSSSS
Me: You&rsquo;ll go?
Me: PROM WITH SARAH!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Norman check ur inbox
Me:（&bull;_ㅅ_&bull;）
Me:（&bull;_ㅅ_&bull;）
Me:（&bull;_ㅅ_&bull;）
Me:（&bull;_ㅅ_&bull;）
Me:（&bull;_ㅅ_&bull;_ㅅ_&bull;）
Me: Sorry&nbsp;
Me: lol
Me: that was 4 Norman
Norman: i got it. no worries my man
Me: i kno we aren&rsquo;t technically going
Me: sarah
Me: I kno that
Me: whoa
Me: haha Norman we still on tho
Me: the boys will&nbsp;
Me: ride on
Me: us
Me: together?
Rachel Brickman has left the chat
Robert Brickman has left the chat
Sandra Brickman has left the chat
Douglas Brickman has left the chat
Candace Brickman has left the chat
Beth Brickman has left the chat
Dougie Brickman has left the chat
Magnus Brickman has left the chat
Trisha Brickman has left the chat
Kelsey Brickman has left the chat
Terrance Brickman has left the chat
Nick Brian has left the chat
Angela Mackie has left the chat
Rodney Ellison has left the chat
Norman Mackie has left the chat
Me: whoaaaa
Me: why everyone leaving?
Me: b4 prom?
Me: this is crzy
Me: crazy
Me: I meant to say
Me: I meant to say this is crazy
Me: what I meant to say was&nbsp;
Me: &ldquo;This is crazy.&rdquo;
Me: I kept hitting space
Me: anyways
Me: sarah.. I think rodney left the chat
Me: seems like he kinda hung us out to dry
Me: NOT COOL
Me: if you ask me
Me: well
Me: anyways sarah
Me: sorry to hear about your cancer
Me: im sure u can still dance
Me: haha
Me: lol
Me: imagine us dancing on the dancefloor&nbsp;
Me: at PROM
Me: hahahaha
Me: haha
Me: uhhh
Me: idk
Me: hm
Me: g2g sarah
Me: c u at school?
Me: haha&nbsp;
Me: bye
Me: maybe?
You have left the chat
Sarah: Sure Mark!&nbsp;
Sarah: It&rsquo;s a date.
Norman Mackie has reentered the chat
Norman: yoooooooooo
Norman: Mark I&rsquo;m just playin&nbsp;
Norman: I ain&rsquo;t leavin the boys
Sarah Brickman has left the chat
Norman: Mark?

Me: Hey Sarah
Me: Hey
Me: Hey Sarah
Me: Hey Sarah, sorry. 
Me: I didn’t realize hitting enter on...

Texting on My Laptop

My parents said they knew I could lose the weight on my own, but it&rsquo;d be so much easier for them not to have to look at me all summer. I expected fat camp to just be a bunch of fat kids, but it was actually just six fat kids and one really fat kid who bullied us for being fat. I remember we once took a canoe out into the middle of the lake and it sank, because we were so fat that we drilled holes in it out of anger.&nbsp;
Sometimes, we would get on the bus and take a field trip from our cabins (a two minute walk from the lake) to the lake. Lazy, perhaps, but we hated walking because we each had siblings die in wars, where they walk a lot. The lake was awesome, but we hated our rivals across the lake, the rich kids at &ldquo;overweight&rdquo; camp.
My summer love was named Mandy, and she was the most beautiful person I had ever met at fat camp that summer. She and I would lay on the grass all night, just looking at the stars and pondering whether we would be able to get back up from the laying-down position. One time we tried to have sex, but we got caught by a religious counselor who said &ldquo;Ewww don&rsquo;t do that I&rsquo;m religious!&rdquo;
As visiting day approached, we worried our parents wouldn&rsquo;t recognize us because we had lost such a significant amount of love for them. My parents used to ask if I &ldquo;felt more comfortable in my body&rdquo; which made me cry because it reminded me of how limited I was by my physical body in this mortal plane. After my parents left I just kept doing my thing, being fat.
Though it was sad to leave at the end of the summer, the camp director always said her reassuring catchphrase, &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t forget to get fat again for next summer!&rdquo; We all laughed, and it kept a smile on our faces as our parents drove us back home to fat school.

My parents said they knew I could lose the weight on my own, but it’d be so much easier for them not...

Hey You Yeah You Quit Pulling My Leg #.css-1xlpnei{margin:0px -15px 0px 6px;width:11px;vertical-align:-14px;}

Hey You Yeah You Quit Pulling My Leg #