(Water cooler noises)

-Hey man. 

-Hey.

(Water cooler noises)

-Whatcha drinking there?

-Water.

-Cool, cool. Love water.

(Water cooler noises)

-You try the new coffee in the break room?

-There’s new coffee in the break room?

-Yeah, whole pot.

-When you say “new'' do you mean there’s a new flavor? Or are you just saying it's a new pot of the same coffee we have every day.

-I haven’t tried it yet, I can’t say. Went over and felt the machine earlier and it was hot, burnt my hands after a couple seconds. Definitely a new pot at least.

-Why’d you put your hand on the hot coffee machine and not get any coffee?

-My hands were too burnt to hold the cup.

-Oh.

-Plus, I don’t even like coffee: it’s too bitter for my taste. I prefer chewing on caffeine patches instead. I just didn’t want to come over here and not have anything to talk about.

-Good plan.

-Yeah. Could you imagine if I just walked over here and introduced myself? 

-I wouldn’t have known what to do.

-Like “Hey, I’m Patrick and I was just fired a few minutes ago. They gave me 30 minutes to empty my desk and exit the premises. In a fit of desperation I went over to the hot coffee machine and tried to burn myself to evoke enough pity to get my job back, but no one noticed and now my hands are burnt and I don’t have company health insurance. I can’t even go home to find comfort in my wife, cause she’s the one who fired me!” Could you imagine if I came over here and did that?

-No, man. I can’t imagine. That would’ve been weird.

-Yeah. So weird.