Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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Maxwell Gay
Lifeguarding
All Natural #
• by MAG '21-'22
Lifeguard: (sips smoothie) I’m just saying: if your kid was “drowning in the deep end” then someone ...
Texting on My Laptop
Hey You Yeah You Quit Pulling My Leg #
• by MAG '21-'22
Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Me: Hey Sarah Me: Hey Sarah, sorry. Me: I didn’t realize hitting enter on...
Texting on My Laptop II
Hey You Yeah You Quit Pulling My Leg #
• by MAG '21-'22
You have entered the chat. You have added Sarah Brickman to the chat. Me: Sarah Me: !! Me: ****S...
Half Day
Smellfungus #
• by MAG '21-'22
Good afternoon, parents. Principal Mueller here calling to inform you that your student has been rel...
The Beat Generation
Smellfungus #
• by MAG '21-'22
Jazz flowed from the streets in the 50s. We swam naked in the churches. We prayed in the oceans. We ...
Cowboy Fantasies
Nantucket Sleighride #
• by MAG '21-'22
“I’ve been having cowboy fantasies again,” I mumble, before kicking through the saloon doors looking...
Reddit History
Nantucket Sleighride #
• by MAG '21-'22
Comment on New Zelda Game Out! by /u/bowzrrr999 in /r/nintendo [–] GREG_THE_MAN 0 points 45 days a...
Seven Deadly Gourds
Nantucket Sleighride #
• by MAG '21-'22
The Orange Gourd: This one will kill you 100%. The Ghost Pepper: This one is less pungent, still ...
Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
Nantucket Sleighride #
• by MAG '21-'22
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onlin...
Blockbuster
For Your Consideration #
• by MAG '21-'22
The year is 2004. It’s Friday in 2004. You head to the Blockbuster in 2004 with your dad to rent a m...
Street Fight
For Your Consideration #
• by MAG '21-'22
Biker #1: You shouldn’t have knocked that drink out of my hand in there. Now you’re gonna pay. Joh...
Bad Days
For Your Consideration #
• by MAG '21-'22
– When Dad broke out of jail and decided to hold his second family hostage instead of ours. – When ...
Hell
Me and My Lovers #
• by MAG '21-'22
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of hell. MAG
Sometimes when I’m thinking…
Me and My Lovers #
• by MAG '21-'22
Sometimes when I’m thinking about doing something a little devil will pop up on one of my shoulders ...
Yearbook Signing
One Last Dance #
• by MAG '21-'22
-Hey Brad, want me to sign your yearbook? -Of course, Dylan! Good luck at Dartmouth next year. We’r...
Obituary
The Unstoppable March #
• by MAG '21-'22
If you would’ve told me yesterday that I’d be writing an obituary for the guy in this photo, I wou...
Gun Show
The Unstoppable March #
• by MAG '21-'22
Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolut...
Churchill
The Unstoppable March #
• by MAG '21-'22
Winston Churchill, known for all of his political and military accomplishments, was also a Nobel Pri...
Glossary of Future Terms
The Unstoppable March #
• by MAG '21-'22
Welcome to the Year 2435! Please step off the portal platform. Here are some words you’ll need to kn...
Tales of Vengeance
Best Served Cold #
• by MAG '21-'22
For our upcoming issue, we asked some Lampoon subscribers to write in to share stories about times t...
Cool Kevin
Cool #
• by MAG '21-'22
Cool Kevin is a man the military pays to come to our office and yell at us about not smoking marijua...
Laser Danger
The Mental Health Issue #
• by MAG '21-'22
Before dying of liver failure, action stuntman Laser Danger said some of the coolest things uttere...
Wet Dream
The Mental Health Issue #
• by MAG '21-'22
At a sleepover. Kyle: Whoa! Brian what is that on your shorts?Brian: Uh, nothing! Kyle: Hey guys ...
Telling My Dad I'm Pregnant
Upside Up #
• by MAG '21-'22
-Dad, I’m pregnant. -What? -I’m pregnant. -what is that? -what is what? -that word. -I’m? It...
At the Water Cooler
Upside Up #
• by MAG '21-'22
(Water cooler noises) -Hey man. -Hey. (Water cooler noises) -Whatcha drinking there? -Water. ...
Created by potrace 1.16, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2019
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