And, action. 

Open on the Three Hottest Girls in school, walking in unison, places in all the right boobs. Each of The Girls—Brittany, Tiffany, and Amy—brings her own unique name to the scene. The boys are so star-struck by The Girls that they bang their heads against their lockers and convulse on the floor. As The Girls keep walking, the shot transitions into slow-motion, calling our gaze to The Girls’ heaving, voluptuous opinions. All this serves to develop their character. s.

In the background, the boys are still convulsing. Huh. It seems the boys are having a collective stroke. The Girls don’t understand this yet, but we do. In narrative, this is called: even hotter. Still, The Girls can’t help but think about the message this scene is sending. That’s great – boys love girls who can think. Not that there are any boys left alive in the scene at this point. Just me. Me and the girls.

As they near the end of the hallway, Left Girl eats a cold slice of pizza off a wet tire she’s been hugging. Right Girl makes a fart joke so good it resuscitates the boys. Right and Left Girl dissolve into a banana, around the tip of which Middle Girl sensuously wraps her lips. When the banana comes out, it’s wearing a tiny Lakers jersey. Middle Girl has transformed into a single eyelash.

You can’t be sure, but you’re willing to bet it’s LeBron’s.