Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math.

German Soldier: Zir! All guiet on zee front, zee vorst of zee Henglisch barrage must haffe pazed.


German Captain: zis is kood! Vere cannons vonce rang, now I hear zee pells on zee dress of my dear vife Helka, pack in Perlin as sche cooks me schtrutel. Arh ! Oh sveet Helka, I am coming for vu zoon!


S: Zir, do vu hear zat?

C: Vat, nein, I don’t hear Hanyzing… but in zis zilence liffs zee quiet nights zitting next to zee fire vith mein dear vife Helka, we vould…


S: Zir, zee noize, zee schlick schlick schlick

C: mmmm… now zat vu pring it up I do hear zomezing… ja it zounds like zomeone butding fingers in ze schtrutel dough.


S: Zir, I zink it is coming from zee Englisch line. Zir, do vu zink, could it pe, one of zee Englisch zoltiers is mimics masturbating relieffing himzelf?


C: I zink vu are right, boor poy, brobably zinking of ein girlie pack home. Arh ! CHust like I zink of mein Helka in zee darkest night, vu know zon, ve are all…


(Then, from across no man’s land, a voice can be heard) schlick schlick “Oh I’m gonna
cum schlick schlick to a long division problem *schlick schlick schlick schlick* I’m cumming now, guuuuuhh”

(The Captain’s brow furrows)


C: Zis is not kood, I zink zee Englisch, zey haffe zent zeir redards to zee fight