Conan O’Brien: Juan, congrats on graduating! Here, take this.

Me: Wow, another Ferrari!

Conan: That’s not all — look inside!

Me: Wow, another Ferrari!

Those Simpsons: Congrats Juan, wanna come write for our show?

Me: Shucks guys, I dunno, I was kinda hoping to earn something for once in my goddamn life.

Lorne Michaels: AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-AH. Welcome to Saturday’s Night Live!

Me: Gosh Lorne thanks but I think all of these Simpsons want me to write for ‘em.

Attractive Ladies in a Bunch: Yoohoooo, Juannnn!

Me: Lads!

Attractive Ladies: How about you come whisper the word “nothings” into our ears?

Me: I should really finish crossing this graduation stage first.

Attractive Men in a Bunch: Hey cutie, can we hold your Harvard diploma ;)?

Me: Sorry guys, it’s already on loan to the Louvre 🙁

Hologram Tony Hawk: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa watch out!

Me: Holo-Tony! What a long trick that was! But why are you back on Earth?

Tony: Juan, you can finally crack open that seagull egg I gave you when you joined the Lampoon.

Me: Holy cow, a million dollars!

Tony: That’s “billion”, with a “t”. Now take your quadrillion dollars and run along scamp.

Me: Whoa, a quintillion dollars! But where will I put a sextillion dollars? I’d need a 3rd mansion!

A 3rd Mansion: Juan, how’d you like to come write for my show?