-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death.
-Wow, so you must be Saint Peter.
-If that’s what you’d like to call me, then yes. I take whatever form you expect of me.
-Huh… wait a minute, so you guys don’t care about getting baptized or anything like that?
-Well, no, not really. He really just cares if you got a high school diploma or equivalent certification. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, can I have your name, occupation cause of death.
-Sure, the name is Kenzo Simmons. I did this and that, never had a steady ‘job’ per se. Had a blog for a while, then did some freelance cartoon work online. Guess you could call me an entrepreneur.
-I’m just going to put down unemployed. And how did you die?
– Well, it’s a funny story, actually. You see there was this bus that was barreling down on this kid… I mean I feel sheepish just bringing it up. Yada yada yada, I jumped in front of the bus and saved the kid. So just put me down for ‘heroic vehicular accident.’
-That’s no-
-But that’s not actually how I died. You see by the time I placed the kid in the arms of his grateful mother, I looked back and saw an even smaller, cuter, orphan boy about to be run over by the same bus! I dove in front of the bus and was able to push him away, but it was too late for me and, well, here I am.
-That’s not what we have on file…
-Okay, there was only one kid
-…
-There weren’t any kids. I was just hit by the bus.
-I’m reading here and it says-
-Okay, okay, it was an ice cream truck and there were no kids. I was walking back to my parent’s house, where I was staying at the time, and the thing just blindsided me. Can I go in now?
-….
-Alright, Jesus! I heard the ice cream song and pushed some kids to the curb to get to the ice cream. I was running at a dead sprint down the road towards the truck. The driver slammed on the breaks and *skkkrrrttt* the truck came to a stop inches from my face—the momentum of the stop propelled the oversized ice cream cone on the top of the truck forward and the cone impaled me through the skull and I died there on the street.
-Okay, yes, Kenzo Simmons. Enter on the left side of the gates.
