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Pieces

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1999
10
May 2021
At the end of the millennium people started acting weird. January -The “Euro” is intr…
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Barbershop Quartet
January 2020
Lead: Fellas, meet the new fifth member of our quartet–Tom! Bass: Swell to meet ya Tom! Bar…
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How Cancer Eventually Got Cured
9
July 2021
Before you say anything, we know what you’re thinking: why should you care that cancer eventu…
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Apology to the Reader’s of Squid Digest’s April 2013 Issue
September 2020
Readers, we would like to retract a statement we made in our most recent issue. After multiple onli…
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Vanitas
January 2021
Dear Readers,   My greatest hope for you all is that you actually know how to read because t…
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Half Day
10
March 2019
Good afternoon, parents. Principal Mueller here calling to inform you that your student has been re…
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Advice on How to Deal With a Concussion From Someone With a Concussion
35
January 2022
Listen up. I’m gonna tell you a straight fact that may or may not be true and can 100% help w…
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Real Estate Tour
4
October 2018
-And here’s the pantry. -What’s with these marks on the wall? -We marked our son&rsqu…
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Proposal
December 2020
A successful relationship is about listening. That’s why, when my longtime girlfriend started…
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New York
9
December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
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My Feminism
December 2020
Even though it’s harder than ever before to be a woman, it’s easier than ever to be a f…
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Lawnmower
1
December 2020
Want to stop mowing your lawn like a quivering pussy? Then shut the fuck up and buy the GRASS-FUCKE…
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Commercial Shoot
December 2020
-Listen, kid. This is easy. Just read off the teleprompter, and we’re golden. Start whenever.…
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That Guy
March 2020
-Hey, who is that?-That guy, over there? I don’t know.-He must be pretty important-What makes…
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Ice Gun
September 2021
- You know that I love and support you, right? - Of course. - And that goes for anything, includi…
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Tech Support Chat
October 2020
– Hey is this the–uh–the Niteflirt phone sex line? – No, sorry, this is th…
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New Cat
December 2020
So a couple days ago my wife and I decided to restart the old marriage. Seeing as I’m impoten…
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Cryobank Waiting Room
150
October 2020
-       First time? -       Yeah. Gotta pay rent somehow.  - &…
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My Cult
June 2021
If you’re thinking about joining a classic, hardcore, intense kind of cult, then only think a…