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Pieces

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D-Day Picnic
June 2020
Soldiers: (storm the beach) (lots of explosions) Father: What the heck we’re having a picnic…
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Larry Purchases a Masturbation Bot
March 2020
Larry: Power on Masturbation Bot 3000: (turns on, starts fingering self)  Larry: Jesus&helli…
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Bronze Age Teen Drama
101
July 2021
Open on a mother and a son. In front of a forge. The work is hard, and the hours are long. -Mom, I…
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Cool Kevin
3
December 2021
Cool Kevin is a man the military pays to come to our office and yell at us about not smoking mariju…
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Discovery Kids Pilot Episode
July 2018
– We’re in KidLand! ClapClapClap Having fun with the Kidman! ClapClapClap That’s …
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Date Ideas
1
November 2020
-Tap Dancing Summer Intensive-Battle it out in a kite flying competition-Try lettuce for the first …
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Teacher’s Note
20
July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…
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Middle School Beauty
June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
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The Death of Kenzo Simmons
10
May 2021
-Welcome to heaven. Please state your name, occupation, and cause of death.  -Wow, so you mus…
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Moon Mine
7
November 2019
A notice to all MoonCorp employees: Gentlemen, this is your CEO. Please keep mining; no reason to …
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Krauts
October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
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Trying To Write Mental Health Pieces When Your Mental Health Is Pretty Okay At The Moment
166
January 2022
You close your laptop, wishing you had something real to write about. The first three pieces about …
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My First Crush
November 2020
Her name was Sarah and I was absolutely head over heels for her. I’d cut two holes in a trash…
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Shamu Comix
October 2017
Written by: DRM ’18 Art by: JFAR ’19-22
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Crying in the Rain
1
October 2020
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People…
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A Man with a Limp and Three Glass Eyes
December 2020
Who am I? I’m the guy who sits in the bar all day and waits for some tall dark and handsome h…
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Gun Show
July 2021
Turbus: And this here is the Heckler and Koch SR9, with extra bolt-action to make your kills absolu…
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Biome
July 2021
Life ‘em up, boys. That’s what our sergeant used to say. Our job was to create the bigg…
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Run To End Lung Cancer
23
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients.  Me: Oh…
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If It Were Big Bird
May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…