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About
Read
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Books
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Masthead
Contact
Home
About
Read
Pieces
Magazines
Books
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Contact
Pieces
At a wedding reception
SWR '19-'20
October 2020
Well, here goes nothing… (jumps up on table) Ahem! Mr. and Mrs. Martinez, I can’t le…
New Cat
BWM '19-'21
December 2020
So a couple days ago my wife and I decided to restart the old marriage. Seeing as I’m impoten…
My Ideas for Hallmark Cards
16
MFP '23-24
- I’m sorry I spilled your drink - It shouldn’t matter what’s in the cup, whethe…
Inspired Musings
1
BWM '19-'21
December 2020
Scientists say that the murder rate goes up when there is a full moon. But so does the rate of peop…
Therapy
63
OMA '24
January 2022
Okay, Nathan. Now tell me what you see in this picture. That’s a headshot of you, bu…
Hammurabi
13
ZDG '20
July 2021
After the success of his first 282 laws, the Babylonian lawgiver released a less popular but more n…
TV Salesman
13
ZDG '20
October 2020
Bread the TV Salesman started the day like any other: with a hot cup of coffee and a curse to his m…
Rare
HJH '19
December 2020
Some things are less rare than you think. Winning the Lottery My friend Rigley won the lottery ye…
Package Delivery FAQ
18
JGB '25
Q: I had issues receiving the correct product. What should I do? A: Name which of the following sc…
Retirement Compound Salesman
14
MAV '23-'24
November 2020
Apt. 1B: Hello there! How often have you dropped that Life Alert of yours into the toilet? At your …
Commercial Shoot
CDL '21
December 2020
-Listen, kid. This is easy. Just read off the teleprompter, and we’re golden. Start whenever.…
Larry takes a trip on Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas
FSS '21
March 2020
Patricia: Hello everyone and welcome to Delta Airlines Flight 460 to Las Vegas. My name is Patricia…
A Retelling of Jaws By Someone Who Has Definitely Seen It
13
FSS '21
October 2020
Jaws…yes. Jaws is the story of a very big shark. Everyone knows that. Especially those who h…
Ice Gun
MFP '23-24
September 2021
- You know that I love and support you, right? - Of course. - And that goes for anything, includi…
Relax
10
MJS '19
October 2018
Welcome to my zen meditation studio, kemosabe. Now get those clothes off and get on the table, the …
Amnesia
1
GPL '21-'22
October 2019
– John? I mean uh, excuse me random stranger? – What do you want? – I have amne…
Eulogy of George
MGM '19
December 2020
Good morning everyone. I know we all loved George. And I know most of you guys probably don’t…
Larry Buys Condoms
20
BWM '19-'21
March 2020
Larry: Hey, can I get some rubbers. Clerk: Yeah, sure, what kind of johnny you looking for, …
Why I Wish I Was a Green Boy Instead of a Blue Boy
10
BWM '19-'21
December 2020
I was born a blue boy, but my whole life I’ve wanted to be a big green boy. Green boys get to…
Crying in the Rain
1
BWM '19-'21
October 2020
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People…
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