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Pieces

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Last Day at the Zoo
6
December 2020
After serving as head zookeeper for 25 years and chief hunting assistant during a disastrous week-l…
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Dinner Date
November 2020
Lindsey: It is so hot that you speak French, Jack.Jack: Ah, but how else would I order . . . la cr&…
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Vanitas
51
March 2022
On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. "Let there be light," He said, and there w…
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One Man Car Wash
June 2020
– (standing on street corner with buckets of water, some rags, and a ‘Car Wash’ s…
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2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
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My First Kiss
10
September 2020
I pick up this girl Julia in my car, and I’m doing 90 on Lincoln Avenue, you know, batting ma…
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Dear President
16
October 2019
Dear President, My name is Bradley and I am 8. I’m from Ohio and my mom won’t let me p…
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Street Fight
October 2020
Biker #1: You shouldn’t have knocked that drink out of my hand in there. Now you’re gon…
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Elvis Has Left the Building
Robert Carlock '95
November 2020
ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has left the building!” TEENAGE FANS: “(Scream)!” ANNOU…
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How McDonalds Came Up With Grimace
21
May 2021
Businessman: As I was saying, what do kids love? Characters! We just ran with that. Businesswoman:…
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Fire Department Tour
10
March 2020
Fire Chief: And this here’s where we do our laundry—(alarm goes off) Oof, sorry kids, t…
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My Piece About What It Would Be Like If I Wrote A Piece for the FYC #
October 2020
– What started out as a frankly disgusting case of unbelievable obesity had snowballed into a…
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Middle School Beauty
June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
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My Fairy
December 2020
Some people have a fairy godmother. Klugg is my swamp monster god-uncle. Klugg can’t fly lik…
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How Cancer Eventually Got Cured
9
July 2021
Before you say anything, we know what you’re thinking: why should you care that cancer eventu…
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President Nice Guy
14
December 2020
Richard Holton, our first Nice Guy president, eased out of the womb on December 24, 1921, giving do…
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An Undercover Cop In The Movie ‘Footloose’
May 2021
Psssst. Hey kids. Yeah you guys. Looking for a good time? I could help you out with some purchases …
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No More Sheriffs
1
May 2018
Happy Saturday everyone – good to see you at the town meeting. All our sheriffs died last nig…