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Pieces

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Moon Mine
7
November 2019
A notice to all MoonCorp employees: Gentlemen, this is your CEO. Please keep mining; no reason to …
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Crying in the Rain
1
October 2020
And I mean yeah they can’t see you cry in the rain, but shit right through your pants? People…
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Advice
January 2020
Listen bro I totally get where you’re coming from, but just remember that next time you point…
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Keynote Speech
December 2020
And that is how Denta-Firm is changing the game, as the world’s first ever blood-free tooth…
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Kindergarten
3
October 2020
Hello, is this the mother of Steve Austin? The stone cold professional wrestler? The 54 year old ma…
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Judge, Jury, and Executioner
2
December 2020
…and now that I’ve got you, I’ll be your judge, jury, and executioner. Wait, …
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King of Smooth
37
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
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The Time I Got Caught Milking
12
February 2020
One time I was at the farm, milking some cows when Bobby, the guy that owns the farm, comes out run…
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1999
10
May 2021
At the end of the millennium people started acting weird. January -The “Euro” is intr…
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Vanitas
October 2020
Dear Judging Committee for the American Society for Magazine Editors, I notice you have not been r…
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Surf Trip
23
December 2020
I’ll never forget the summer I road-tripped to Hawaii with my two best friends. While it star…
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A Worry
2
March 2020
Sometimes I worry that there is a GMO soybean out to get me.It’s all fucked up and has like w…
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Obituary
12
July 2021
If you would’ve told me yesterday that I’d be writing an obituary for the guy in this…
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Taco Tuesday
23
December 2022
-       Can I get two beef tacos please? -       Sorry sir, we only …
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Modern Day Barbershop Quartet
3
October 2020
Quartet: (singing) Once is a day at a time, twice is looking so fine! Customer: Neat-o! A quartet!…
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Birthday Girl
13
October 2008
BIRTHDAY GIRL:  Tonight’s been unbelievable. You are honestly the most amazing friends…
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The Trial of the Decade
1
October 2020
Frankly, it seemed certain that Marco would get lunch detention. Frank Lee, our principal, along wi…
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Now That’s What I Call Music! Vol. 18,482
July 2021
Track 1 – Give Me a Little Gas, SisterTrack 2 – Your Girl Got Too Much Exhaust in the F…
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Hell
1
November 2020
There’s a special place in hell for weird guys who can’t be kept in the regular part of…
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Elvis Has Left the Building
3
Robert Carlock '95
November 2020
ANNOUNCER: “Elvis has left the building!” TEENAGE FANS: “(Scream)!” ANNOU…