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Pieces

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Sometimes when I’m thinking…
2
November 2020
Sometimes when I’m thinking about doing something a little devil will pop up on one of my sho…
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If It Were Big Bird
May 2021
In 1986, instead of an elementary school teacher, NASA had initially considered Big Bird as their f…
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Eugenics
December 2020
– Looks like your baby came out of the eugenics machine beautifully. – Doctor, that is…
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Birthday Card
October 2008
GRANDFATHER: Here’s a card from me. Happy birthday. SON: Thanks, grandpa. MOTHER: Read it a…
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Fat Camp
60
March 2019
My parents said they knew I could lose the weight on my own, but it’d be so much easier for t…
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King of Smooth
37
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
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City Nights, 3029
20
May 2022
It’s Saturday night, and I’m looking for trouble. Shades. Scowl. Leather jacket in all …
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The Life of a Cowboy
75
December 2020
I was only five years old when my grandpappy taught me how to shoot a gun. “Pull the trigger …
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Dinner Date
November 2020
Lindsey: It is so hot that you speak French, Jack.Jack: Ah, but how else would I order . . . la cr&…
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Ray Charles
1
December 2020
For forty years I’ve been Ray Charles’s private caretaker, helping make his dreams come…
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Discovery Kids Pilot Episode
July 2018
– We’re in KidLand! ClapClapClap Having fun with the Kidman! ClapClapClap That’s …
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How I Stopped 9/11
148
I strut into the hideout, the most beautiful girl Osama bin Laden has ever seen.  Osama bin L…
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Cold War Frat Boy
300131
May 2022
Nuclear warheads dropping near the die table. Bombs away, babes. Time for a quick game to 11 before…
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A Worry
2
March 2020
Sometimes I worry that there is a GMO soybean out to get me.It’s all fucked up and has like w…
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The Trial of the Decade
1
October 2020
Frankly, it seemed certain that Marco would get lunch detention. Frank Lee, our principal, along wi…
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Relax
10
October 2018
Welcome to my zen meditation studio, kemosabe. Now get those clothes off and get on the table, the …
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Bronze Age Teen Drama
104
July 2021
Open on a mother and a son. In front of a forge. The work is hard, and the hours are long. -Mom, I…
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Krauts
10
October 2020
Legend has it while serving in the trenches in WWI Wittgenstein would masturbate to math. German S…
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Mall Santa
18
October 2020
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh. I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just …