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Pieces

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Inventing the Wheel
8
July 2021
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you… the wheel! (Roaring applause) Just what exac…
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Medical Report
11
I have this disease where everyday at 3 am three dudes kick the shit out of me.  It started p…
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Late
186
January 2022
I look down at the watch tattooed on my wrist. It’s 10:00. Fuck. I look up at my wall clock t…
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TV Salesman
October 2020
Bread the TV Salesman started the day like any other: with a hot cup of coffee and a curse to his m…
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SNOWED IN
10
January 2020
Operator: 911, what’s your emergency? Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human…
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Heaven
81
December 2022
– And the last thing is that the Build-A-Bear is closed Sundays, so you’ll want to plan…
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Me & My Babies
7
November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
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Street Fight
October 2020
Biker #1: You shouldn’t have knocked that drink out of my hand in there. Now you’re gon…
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Real Estate Tour
5
October 2018
-And here’s the pantry. -What’s with these marks on the wall? -We marked our son&rsqu…
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Laser Danger
20
January 2022
Before dying of liver failure, action stuntman Laser Danger said some of the coolest things utter…
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Teacher’s Note
20
July 2021
Dear Parent, If you are receiving this note it means that your child has been enrolled in my class…
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Business Presentation
1
June 2018
ME: And by subverting double axial capital inflows we can mobilize revenue twice as fast. SMITH: I…
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A Man with a Limp and Three Glass Eyes
December 2020
Who am I? I’m the guy who sits in the bar all day and waits for some tall dark and handsome h…
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Cool Kevin
5
December 2021
Cool Kevin is a man the military pays to come to our office and yell at us about not smoking mariju…
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Taco Tuesday
23
December 2022
-       Can I get two beef tacos please? -       Sorry sir, we only …
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Reddit History
June 2020
Comment on New Zelda Game Out! by /u/bowzrrr999 in /r/nintendo [–] GREG_THE_MAN  0 poin…
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Proposal
1
December 2020
A successful relationship is about listening. That’s why, when my longtime girlfriend started…
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Half Day
11
March 2019
Good afternoon, parents. Principal Mueller here calling to inform you that your student has been re…