Artwork: SKL '23

Modern Day Barbershop Quartet

Author: ZDG '20
As seen in: Nantucket Sleighride #

Quartet: (singing) Once is a day at a time, twice is looking so fine!

Customer: Neat-o! A quartet! What a fun throwback idea.

Quartet: (bouncing in hats) Lady, oh lady, oh how I love a laaaaady!

Customer: Can I get a haircut? A trim? A little off the top?

Owner: Yeah, find a barber.

Customer: Ok, uhhhh, um, hello? Is someone a barber?

Quartet: (frolicking around the shop) Hey-o, hey-o, a day ago was yesterday-o!


Customer: Finally! A barber! Can I get a number 3 on the sides and an inch off the top?

Barber: Buzz off, chump. I’m watching the musical.

Quartet: (playing with patrons’ hair) A doughnut is looking so nice! Found one in the winter ice! Chicago winter food surprise! Eat it up in one single try! Chicaaagooooo! Chicaaagooooo! 


Customer: So just to be clear, you’re a barber, and you’re just going to give me a trim, and you’re paying attention?

Barber: Yeah I’ll have one eye on you and one eye on the quartet.

Quartet: (leapfrogging) I’ll clear my whole schedule for a bottle of jam! Ten dollar ticket to the store with the ham! Both of those are luxury goods! Ten dollar tax as it should! Oh do I love my Uncle Sam! Give him my paycheck as oft as I can! Only thing better than a pooch, is my lovely lady’s smooch! Dogs galore at the pound, licking my face all around!

Barber: (shaving off eyebrow) Diddle-dee-dee, cat in a tree. Diddle-dee-doo, my wish has come true! (shaving off other eyebrow) Cat falls into my arms and I’m the hero! Celebrate with 98 bottles of beer-o! I’m the hero of Chicaaagooooooo! (shaving hair off head)

Quartet: (slapping ass) Hero, hero, he’s the hero! Win a free lunch, the price is zero! Chicaaagoooo!