Operator: 911, what’s your emergency?
Me: I’m… stuck, in my cabin. I need human rescue services.
Operator: What kind of stuck?
Me: Weather related stuck. Send a helicopter to come rescue me. Operated by people.
Operator: Wait ah second–are you avalanched in?
Me: No. No.
Operator: You’re avalanched in, aren’t you? How cold is it?
Me: It’s fine I’m just stuck. I’m not too cold. You have to send a human to rescue me. Please.
Operator: Ok, yes, I’ll dispatch 10 Saint Bernards to you right now.
Me: No, no! Please! People! Send people!
Operator: Look, their brandy, that sweet sweet nectar, is gonna warm you up real quick. Gonna have you feeling better in no time, champ.
Me: It’s, I lied. It’s hot. I’m hot stuck in the cabin. Door’s melted shut. Send people fast.
LATER
Me:[drunk off sweet sweet nectar] Hey these Saint Bernanders are alright!
