- One day before technology that makes everyone live forever is invented
- One hour before all the nuclear powers sign a treaty renouncing their nuclear weapons
- Right before you set the record straight once and for all
- Right after you set the record straight once and for all
- Before you find out that all girls don’t have cooties
- While an astronaut is still stranded on Mars
- Right after you say, “What could possibly go wrong?”
- April Fool’s Day
- Right after conquering your greatest fear
- After alluding to a surprise gift by telling someone, “You have no idea what’s coming for you.”
- Just before you call your parents without context to tell them you love them
- 9/11/2002
- After renouncing your Calvinist belief in predetermination
- Right after you get invited to the cool kids’ table
- Right after you nervously laugh and say, “Man, I sure hope those aren’t my last words!”
- When a TV show leaves you on a cliffhanger
- When you totally clicked the “conventional strike” button
- Before you win the lottery that you rigged
- After the first strike failed and you were all kind of relieved by that
- While there is already another extinction-level nuclear war in progress
- After your child wrote to Santa asking for a nuclear war for Christmas
- When your mom says to you, “I’m going to start the New Year off with a bang!”
- Black Friday, because we won’t get those deals for another year
- Just after the generals realized they’d read the president’s nuclear strike orders upside down (he’d actually said no strike!)
- When you’re the president so everyone thinks it’s your fault
- When you’re the vice president so there’s nothing you can really do about it
- Veterans Day
- My birthday
