Artwork: ghost

Math Class After the Blast

Author: MFP '23-24
As seen in: Mutually Assured Destruction #

Teacher: Alright class, turn to problem 12.3: Jason has six apples. He gives one of his apples to Sarah, and then eats two. How many apples does Jason have left?

Johnny: What’s an apple?

Teacher: It’s a type of fruit that used to exist.

Johnny: It seems pretty selfish for Jason to eat more than once a day. And without checking the mercury content? That’s just plain reckless.

Teacher: Apples actually used to be plentiful and safe. They grew on trees.

Johnny: Like oranges?

Teacher: Yes. Well, no. It’s hard to say. Let’s get back to the problem, why don’t you try counting it out on your hands?

Johnny: 1…2…

Teacher: Almost there, keep going.

Johnny: Can’t. Lost the rest of my fingers in the blast, sorry Ms. T.

Teacher: Jesus christ. Okay, think about it like this: there’s two minutes left in the thunderdome, and if you don’t win this match the overlord will send your family to the salt mines. You’ve got six guys coming at you, two from the right, two from the left, and two falling at terminal velocity from directly above. Your friend Sarah can use her bone club to get the guy with the limp, easy, but your rage potion can only kill two. Now, how ma— 

Johnny: Three.

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