In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, but between you and me there was a little form and a whole lot of ocean. The Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. Just floating there about three feet in the air. And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was something in his throat so he had to say it again a little louder. God saw that the light was good, and he called it “day.” The darkness he called “nort.” This was the first day. Then God said, “Let there be a vault between the waters to separate water from water,” and his assistant said “Ok.” And it was so, so good. Having accomplished his allotted one task per day, God declared that it was now the third day. Although he could fly, God could not swim and was embarrassed to constantly wear a lifejacket around his assistant. So he said, “Let there be dry land and green vegetation upon it. I will call this vegetation “nort.” And it was bad because he had already named something nort. For the rest of the day, God sat around trying to think of a word that wasn’t nort. After a long time he finally decided on a name for this vegetation: nort. On the fourth day, God created the sun and the moon to help keep track of time. For example, seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, two-decades, and centuries. On the fifth day, God said “Let the water teem with life and let the sky teem with birds and let the water teem with sky,” forgetting the decision he had made earlier to distinguish between the sky and ocean. And he heard from a friend that it was good. On the sixth day, God brainstormed many animals and came up with fire ants, bull ants and humans. He created humans in his image and bull ants in the image of fire ants. He looked upon all his creations and saw that they were good. On the seventh day, God took rest because Sunday is the Sabbath.
