Artwork: ghost


Author: ASB '17
As seen in: My Creation Myth #

Announcer: In the red corner, he’s your favorite all-American punisher, it’s Joe “Big Guns”


Crowd: (cheers)

Announcer: And in the blue corner, he could buy your house and use it as a trash can, it’s the

evil Mr. Moneybags!

Crowd: (boos)

Joe: Get ready for a Joe Wilson beat-down, you rich little weasel!

Crowd: (cheers)

Mr. Moneybags: Not before me and my moneybags buy this entire stadium!

Crowd: (boos)

Joe: You make me sick!

Mr. Moneybags: And when I turn it into a synagogue there will be no more wrestling!

Crowd: (boos)

Joe: Oh, yikes…that’s no good. To be clear, that first part is irrelevant, but I definitely won’t let

you stop the wrestling!

Crowd: (cheers)

Mr. Moneybags: You dare defy me and my plan to force wrestling fans to give up pork?

Crowd: (boos)

Joe: Uh – it’s not cool to coerce others! I mean if you do kosher, whatever, Joe Wilson doesn’t

have a problem with that. But I do have a problem with your plan generally!

Crowd: (silence)

Joe: …And I’m gonna kick your ass!

Crowd: (cheers)

Mr. Moneybags: I’m sooooo scared! But what will you do when I tag in the Hollywood Elite?

Joe: I’m gonna pulverize them!

Crowd: (cheers)

Joe: As I would any wrestler! And when you read the headlines tomorrow, I’m sure it’ll be

something like: Joe Wilson pulverizes religiously diverse group of people who have

circumstantially acquired–

Mr. Moneybags: Enough chit-chat! Let’s see you counter The 9-Headed Fire-Sword!

Joe: Oh god, that looks an awful lot like a menorah.

Mr. Moneybags: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Are you saying your famous Flying

Knee is useless against my Tiny-Felt-Shield-Cap?

Joe: It would be very easy to take you out with the Flying Knee. These are sacred symbols and

I’m on national television…

Announcer: What’s this? It looks like Joe Wilson is finally getting some help!

Sleepy Taco Tito: (falls asleep)

Joe: Damnit, Sleepy Taco Tito. You’re so lazy.