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Pieces
My Fairy
41
TAF '19 • December 2020
Some people have a fairy godmother. Klugg is my swamp monster god-uncle. Klugg can’t fly lik…
The Big Man on Campus
10
LRK '21-'22 • October 2018
Yesterday the Big Man on Campus came to class late and the professor apologized. The class cried be…
Opening Line of My Book
BWM '19-'21 • February 2020
“Alright everyone… settle down, settle down, if you could all gather round, come a lit…
My Piece About What It Would Be Like If I Wrote A Piece for the FYC #
1
CDL '21 • October 2020
– What started out as a frankly disgusting case of unbelievable obesity had snowballed into a…
Dinosaur Story
25
FOD '24 • May 2022
Tour Guide: We’ve finally reached the Chicxulub crater, everyone, the site of the explosion t…
Apology
17
EAT '24 • May 2023
Thank you to the school committee for having me. You may know me as the woman whose son killed the …
Dialogue Options in Fallout: New Cambridge
91
JTK '24 • May 2022
Stranger: Hey there traveler! Is there anything I can help you with? [1] I’m very hu…
At The Airport With My Least Favorite Uncle
10
ENO '21 • April 2020
Uncle: Hey, Martin! Martin! Sit with me! Martin: I gotta get on my plane. Uncle: Where’re y…
Judge, Jury, and Executioner
24
TAF '19 • December 2020
…and now that I’ve got you, I’ll be your judge, jury, and executioner. Wait, …
Kashan Rugs
10
EAH • May 2022
One Man Show
36
EPS '24 • August 2021
The janitor was diligently color-coding dust when the director burst in. “Mort, none of the a…
FOMO Cop
101
SMR '25 • May 2023
There were never any parties where I grew up. Believe me—I asked everybody. For my eighteenth…
Next in Line Comix
21
MIC '26 • May 2023
Excerpts From the Great American Novel
84
JLN '21-22 • February 2020
It was time for them to head west with just the shirts on their backs and the shirts on their legs.…
Lawnmower
21
MAS '18 • December 2020
Want to stop mowing your lawn like a quivering pussy? Then shut the fuck up and buy the GRASS-FUCKE…
Vanitas
74
YMC '21-'22 • March 2022
On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. "Let there be light," He said, and there w…
Side Gig
69
JTK '24 • May 2023
Every pizza shop’s dream is a delivery driver with no obligation to the law. That, or an Ital…
Me & My Babies
7
CDL '21 • November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
Midnight Train
3
AJ '18 • December 2020
Me: Hello, I’m here to catch the midnight train to Georgia. Station Manager: Well, it will b…
The Last Tiger’s Deathbed
24
CAS '12 • May 2021
It was a rainy night in November and at the Bronx Zoo a crowd of hundreds of thousands braved the e…
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