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Last Ditch Effort #


Issue Editor: HLD ’18
Art Editor: KDF ’19
Publication: December 2018

Hello dear readers. This issue is about this issue. We are five months behind print schedule. The art board is on strike. A very small ink man is yanking my laptop away as I type– sir! excuse me! And by God do I wish these lines were jokes so we’d have some in the magazine, but they are all true. How did we get here? Hard work. On other things we were doing.


Pieces

...
Business Presentation
June 2018
ME: And by subverting double axial capital inflows we can mobilize revenue twice as fast. SMITH: I…
...
New York
9
December 2018
Driver (singing): By God! I’m taking this Duck Boat to New York! Passengers (singing togethe…
...
Commercial Shoot
December 2020
-Listen, kid. This is easy. Just read off the teleprompter, and we’re golden. Start whenever.…
...
Driving to a Burger Joint
October 2018
“You gonna bring the shit tonight or what?”  Simon was riding shotgun in Bill Shi…
...
Fight Song
4
October 2018
This is the fight song for John Wayne Gacy, the Murderer, High School.  JWG High We Love You …
...
Middle School Beauty
June 2018
Wendy Perkins is the hottest girl in the 7th grade. She reads at a 6th grade level, but her body i…
...
The Big Man on Campus
October 2018
Yesterday the Big Man on Campus came to class late and the professor apologized. The class cried be…
...
Two Bailiffs Talk Before Court Starts
October 2018
– First day, huh. Nervous? I know I was. – No. I have everything set up. I prepared th…
...
Relax
10
October 2018
Welcome to my zen meditation studio, kemosabe. Now get those clothes off and get on the table, the …
...
Hit, That, Button
10
October 2018
“How you folks doin tonight!?” Wooot, wooooooot! “Coming at you from the city o…