Artwork: ghost

Tax Collector

Author: JGB '25
As seen in: Mutually Assured Destruction #

When it came time for collecting taxes, the tax collector’s only instruction from the robots was to collect whatever each human holds most dear. That turned out to be their money, so it wasn’t actually any different than taxes in the old days. It was kinda cool seeing the look on their faces after he said they love money more than life, ‘cause that’s gotta be pretty tough to hear.

After another long day at work, the tax collector sighed to himself, bored and aimless. He was in a dark place at the time, because he hadn’t turned the lights on yet, since he was busy thinking about killing himself. With nothing to do, the tax collector walked outside and started contemplating his life — he felt like  the future wasn’t kind to people like him, people who sold out the human race to the robots for a couple hundred dollars, which didn’t even matter since human currency has no value in the future. He needed some meaning in his life, some reason to live, and that’s when he found it — her. he most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, and when they locked eyes,she told him that life had no meaning. But right behind her was this other girl, the second most beautiful girl he’d ever seen, and she seemed pretty cool. 

The tax collector looked into her eyes and realized he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He wondered what she wanted — probably rights, of any kind, but maybe he could be a close second. He opened his mouth and spoke. “G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-PLEASE love me!” he blurted, remembering how his stammers didn’t always make sense. She touched his arm, and was about to say something, but then a robot just walked up and shot her in the face, because robots are misogynistic like that in the future.