Artwork: ghost

May I Approach the Bench?

Author: OMA '24
As seen in: Justice Is Served #

  • You may, but keep it quick, I have five minutes until Judge Judy comes on, and I’m going to have to watch that if we want the second half of this trial to go smoothly. 
  • Your Honor, I highly advise that you not run this trial like we’re in Judge Judy
  • Fine, fine, I’ll just watch that new episode of Night Court.
  • Night Court hasn’t been on for two decades, your Honor.
  • A rerun. I’ll watch a rerun. Jesus, you’d think this guy was cross-examining me. 
  • Do you always watch judge shows during recesses?
  • I also eat lunch and call my wife.
  • Your Honor, have you seen a movie called My Cousin Vinny?
  • Sustained. 
  • You remember that scene where Vinny gets his nephew off of that murder charge?
  • If it occurred in a courtroom in a movie, I remember it. This better be getting somewhere.
  • Let’s run the trial like that. 
  • That sounds like a — wait a second. I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get the de–, defender–
  • Defendant.
  • You’re trying to get the defendant off from murder. 
  • Well my client is on trial for tax evasion and money laundering, but yes, that’s the idea. 
  • This would be highly inappropriate in almost all of the movies I’ve seen. 
  • Yes, but if we ended the case now, you’d have a chance to watch more movies where there is a possibility that this isn’t inappropriate. 
  • Case dismissed.