Artwork: IKI '26


Author: JKF '25
As seen in: The Proper Bostonians #

Welcome, Parishers. I am honored to speak in this holy chapel. You may call me Father Tod. I am not a priest. My children simply refer to me as such. Our family is extremely rigid. 

“Father Tod, why are you delivering a eulogy for your great-uncle twice removed?” This is a question no one has asked that I am going to answer regardless. Last Tuesday, Linda from the morgue telephoned me. She had the wrong number. The next day, Jane from the other morgue telephoned me. She had the right number. I hope that clarifies things.

My great-uncle was the kind of person who would have his great-nephew give his eulogy. In other words, he enjoyed new traditions. That, or he had no friends. He lived alone and I never met him. My parents would whisper about him in passing. He was never invited to Easter. Where we come from, Easter is very important. 

Before I conclude, I will recall some fond memories. My most memorable life experience is my first communion followed by the birth of my son. My great-uncle had a daughter. Ring ring. Imagine I am calling her now. “Dad was a person,” she stated. This is something she communicated over telegram. 

Now that you have heard about my uncle, let’s take a moment of silence for him. OK. That was a moment. Enjoy your evening.