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Pieces
Mall Santa
18
JPW '21 • October 2020
Beep. Beep. Beep. 5:15 AM. I sigh. I brew my morning coffee and catch up on the news — just …
Ray Charles
12
HBF '19 • December 2020
For forty years I’ve been Ray Charles’s private caretaker, helping make his dreams come…
Gavels
35
JGB '25 • May 2023
You know that feeling when you take out your laundry and there’s only one sock, and you&rsquo…
My Dog and All My Coworkers’ Dogs All Got Food Poisoning From the Office Dog Food Stash and It Was Really Awful and Sad
16
YMC '21-'22 • September 2021
Monday Me: (crying at desk).Lisa: Sorry to hear about your Maltese dog, Doug. When my su…
Donate Broth
49
JGB '25 • May 2022
Therapy
94
OMA '24 • January 2022
Okay, Nathan. Now tell me what you see in this picture. That’s a headshot of you, bu…
A Quest
3
ASB '17 • December 2020
I’m embarking on a quest to personally give a big thumbs-up to the child who made my iPhone. …
Fieldnotes
34
JKF '25 • May 2023
In 1954, psychologists infiltrated housewife Dorothy Martin’s UFO doomsday cult.  …
Thumb War
39
NGH '23 • December 2022
First rule of being the new kid is to look out for bullies. I see a bully in the bathroom threateni…
The Big Man on Campus
10
LRK '21-'22 • October 2018
Yesterday the Big Man on Campus came to class late and the professor apologized. The class cried be…
The Summer I Turned Into Danny DeVito
54
CYL '26 • December 2023
My mom used to tell me that I just had to wait for puberty to hit and then I wouldn’t be ugly…
Change Jar
4
KPB • May 2021
i am texting from the faculty lounge and i am looking at the Change Jar in front of me and it appea…
Family
1
JPW '21 • October 2020
I’ve got a crazy family — two brothers, four sisters, three half-brothers, one quarter-…
Lolita
102
NGH '23 • December 2022
Lolita, light of my life, I feel fire in my loins. I lit my underwear on fire for you, Lolita. No o…
Goin’ West
DRM '18 • December 2020
Uh oh. I did it again. Fell asleep after all the kids got on the bus, so now I gotta get all these …
My Relationship
8
ZPH '12 • February 2010
… is like any other, especially the kind where one partner steals from the other, day after …
Me & My Babies
7
CDL '21 • November 2020
I milk myself nightly into my tub. My nightly emissions pool in my bath, glistening with a spectral…
2020 International Video Game Awards Acceptance Speech
10
JLG '21 • October 2020
Oh, thank you, really thank you so much. This award…it truly means so much to me. Well, it l…
QUEER ON THE FRONTIER
8
BWM '19-'21 • October 2020
Host: Hello and welcome back to Queer on the Frontier: the show that examines cultural representati…
Fireman
59
OMA '24 • December 2022
As a fireman, I face difficult decisions on a daily and nightly basis. For instance, do I take the …
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