Artwork: AMC '23


Author: OECGP ’22-’24
As seen in: README #

Tue, Jun 9, 2:47 PM

Hey bud, I was super bummed to see that obituary about you this morning. Big condolences. Congrats on getting in the newspaper, though. That’s huge.


Thurs, Jun 18, 10:05 AM

Hey man. I guess it’s been a week or so since your big break, and I’m wondering if you’re still coming over for poker on Friday? Would love to see that “kind and lofty” spirit they kept saying would “live on” in your “toddler aged children.” How’d you get the editors to kiss so much ass?


Sun, Jun 21, 12:22 PM

Oh my god. Dude. I’m so sorry. Just realized that means you actually died! Big hugs, man. Right after you got off the crutches, too. Cruel world.


Thurs, Jul 2, 9:48 PM

Hey dumbass! This is Brad on my new number. Saw a silly movie about prostate cancer and thought of you, is that the one you’ve got? Miss you bud — hope your ego hasn’t blown up too much, lol.


Sun, Jul 5, 11:06 AM

Hey there. Just saw your missus in the Costco parking lot, looks like she lost some weight! Drinks this weekend?


Fri, Jul 10, 3:57 PM

So I guess you think just cause you got a big article about you in the Gazette you’re too good for me now, huh? 

Psssh. My mom always used to say at least you’re not sickly like Gabriel, who is on the brink of death, but I’m done playing second fiddle to you now, man. Not now. I’ve gotta stop thinking about you and start focusing on my blog. Text me back once you get that stick out of your ass.


Sat, Jul 11, 1:03 PM

Jesus, man. I’m really sorry. Trish just told me “Gabe died of that disease that ate away at his organs one by one, ending with his brain which left him vegetative, peeing the hospital bed, and yelling a bunch of stuff about downward mobility at the nurses.” I thought “died of pancreatic cancer” was a turn of phrase, like a euphemism or a metaphor. I’ve always struggled with those. Tough.

Anyways, call me back whenever you can. Obviously, no rush. Figure yourself out first.