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Home
About
Read
Pieces
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Books
Comp
Masthead
Contact
Home
About
Read
Pieces
Magazines
Books
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Masthead
Contact
AMC '23
Literature Board 2023
Contact
Chained To A Tree
35
EAT '24
When they were all like “We need someone to chain themselves to this tree!” I was all l…
Ways to Get Away with Yelling Fire in a Crowded Theater
71
JGB '25
- Wait for the movie to have a scene with explosions, then point and yell fire - Rent out an…
Frogs
56
AMC '23
How I Stopped 9/11
148
RD '24
I strut into the hideout, the most beautiful girl Osama bin Laden has ever seen. Osama bin L…
If Money Grew On Trees
23
SAB '24
- Environmental protection would be bipartisan. - In the fall, you could substitute real money wit…
A Knight's Quest
54
RYSL
The object of your next quest is to smite a dragon. No, not ‘he.’ This dragon is female…
Male Introspection
85
AMC '23
May December Romance
55
EB '24
- Yeah, I had a grandpa too once. Is yours cool or like a piece of shit or do you like hate him or …
Organ Harvesting
42
JGB '25
Dealer: Just give me the money. Buyer: Hang on. I want to see the goods first. (Dealer motions to…
Psychic Argument
30
JRD '22-'23
Psychic 1: I told you, I don’t know what happened to your dog! Psychic 2: Then why did I see…
Sleepy Sam
20
JRD '22-'23
Coming soon to a theater near you… (upbeat music playing) Sam Shmorganstein is a zookeeper w…
Johnny Adventure, Space Cashier
43
JRD '22-'23
It’s the future, but not so far in the future that cashiers are obsolete. We open on our prot…
My Ideas for Hallmark Cards
16
MFP '23-24
- I’m sorry I spilled your drink - It shouldn’t matter what’s in the cup, whethe…
2009 Make-A-Wish
26
JGB '25
LeBron: Well, it’s been great having you here, bud! (smiles at TV cameras) Kid: Listen, LeBr…
Godzilla Comix
21
AMC '23
Run To End Lung Cancer
33
JLN '21-22
Me: The runners, they’re all...? Ref: All terminally ill lung-cancer patients. Me: Oh…
Medical Report
11
EPS '24
I have this disease where everyday at 3 am three dudes kick the shit out of me. It started p…
Olympic Curling
6
MFP '23-24
Me: Hello, I’d like one ticket to watch the gold medal curling match, please. Cashier: I&rsq…
Package Delivery FAQ
18
JGB '25
Q: I had issues receiving the correct product. What should I do? A: Name which of the following sc…
Cancun Trip Review
23
CLC '22-'23
I knew spring break in Mexico was going to be fun – but not this fun. Who’d have though…
Squirrels
20
RYSL
My ideal hangover cure is a lazy afternoon at the park, sipping on a cold beer and talking with the…
Strange Position
12
SAB '24
Alright Officer, so there I am walking down Main Street with my groceries when I see this guy layin…
Video Game Pitch
17
JRD '22-'23
Sit down gentlemen, I have our next hit game. You thought Sonic The Hedgehog made us rich? Well Son…
Chaz's Adventures in Wonderland
21
EAT '24
So I was sitting all up in this tree with my Tinder and I saw this white rabbit. And like, that ass…
Narcissus Eiffel-Towering
64
NGH '23 AMC '23
Science Class
77
NGH '23
December 2022
Tommy: Aggghhh! It burns! It burns! (pulls safety shower lever) Mr. Miller: Tommy, this can&…
SchopenMeower Cartoons
24
AMC '23
May 2022
Vanitas
73
YMC '21-'22
March 2022
On the first day, God created the heavens and the earth. "Let there be light," He said, and there w…
Things To Say If You Want To Join The Cool Table
22
GPCP '22
December 2021
Don’t mind me, lemme pull up a chair—backwards. My mom packs me lemon slices instead…
Hottest Girls In School
10
YMC '21-'22
December 2021
And, action. Open on the Three Hottest Girls in school, walking in unison, places in all the…
Squigley
10
GPCP '22
December 2021
Carl Squigley always had his nose buried in a book, which was buried in a still-flushing toilet. He…
World Famous Worm
40
FOD '24
December 2021
We had barely started the road trip when we started seeing the signs advertising the ‘World&r…
Frat Boy
39
NGH '23
December 2021
There’s nothing cooler than being a frat boy. Picture this. I’m sitting on the f…
Secret Journal
5
GPCP '22
December 2021
-Hey, I found the quiet kid’s journal—it’s all about the popular kids and how he&…
King of Smooth
37
CLC '22-'23
December 2021
You’re down in the dumps, sad about your boyfriend leaving you for a prettier, more confident…
Pervert Alert: My Friend Josh
30
FOD '24
December 2021
My friend Josh, hoo boy. That guy’s into some really fucked up stuff. Just look at him. Gre…
Cool Kevin
5
MAG '21-'22
December 2021
Cool Kevin is a man the military pays to come to our office and yell at us about not smoking mariju…
Richard A. Smith: The Hero
MFP '23-24
December 2021
It’s every kid’s dream to be a superhero, which is why I spend all my time wandering ar…
Career Day
MFP '23-24
December 2021
My dad has the coolest job ever. Everyday he comes home in a different kiss-stained uniform. Some d…
My Dog and All My Coworkers’ Dogs All Got Food Poisoning From the Office Dog Food Stash and It Was Really Awful and Sad
15
YMC '21-'22
September 2021
Monday Me: (crying at desk).Lisa: Sorry to hear about your Maltese dog, Doug. When my su…