Artwork: AMC '23

Organ Harvesting

Author: JGB '25
As seen in: We Like To Have Fun #

Dealer: Just give me the money.

Buyer: Hang on. I want to see the goods first.

(Dealer motions to cronies. Cronies duck inside cell and wheel out Jeffrey, who giggles to himself.)

Buyer: Who is this guy?

Dealer: He’s the best we’ve got.

Jeffrey (batting eyelashes): Hey there, Mr. Buyer. Harvest my bone-sies.

Buyer: What is— I just need a stomach. Please get this guy away from me.

Jeffrey: You want my stomach? Take it. I want you to do it I want you to do it I want you to do it.

Buyer: Is he always like this?

Dealer: Yeah — no, yeah, this is Classic Jeffrey. Gotta love him, he’s a real specimen.

Jeffrey: (high voice) Jeepers, my bones are for keepers! (low voice) I wonder if they’re sliiimy.

Buyer: I don’t really feel comfortable around this guy.

Dealer: No, Jeffrey’s great! He’s… eager. He’s got a real thirst for this kind of thing.

Jeffrey: (very fast) Stomach for a bargain! Can I get a four dollar! Three dollar bid now, dollar, dollar, Four dollar, dollar, sold!

Buyer: Listen is there anyone else you can —

Jeffrey: (dancing with himself) Take my belly and raise it as your own and feed it and clothe it and rub it all over, ding-dong!

Dealer: Let’s work something out. 30% off.

Jeffrey: (yodeling) Stomach like a chute, food shoots through, right through, hoot hoot choo choo!

Dealer: Listen, 50% off. 90% off. Just take whatever organs you want, please, get him out of here.

Buyer: I didn’t sign up for this, I’m sorry. I’m leaving. (walks out)

Dealer: (sighs to himself)

Jeffrey: I’d be so embarrassed right now if I were you.

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