Last week, I started getting targeted ads on Facebook telling me to quit porn. I barely get half of my porn from Facebook, so I don’t really understand why I’m getting these ads. And I mean, I am many things but I am not a quitter.
I know what you’re thinking – woah there JRD, are you sure that this is how you want to start your issue? Aren’t your parents going to be reading this? Yes. Hi, Mom and Dad.
I like to have fun. The world has gotten way too serious these days. Everywhere I look, it’s “Ukraine” this, “Supreme Court” that. And I’m here like, U can Raine Supremely on deez nuts!! Then my next-door neighbor Richard tells me that this is an incredibly insensitive thing to say to him, considering I don’t know him all that well and his prochoice Ukrainian girlfriend is standing right there. God damn it. Now I have to apologize and go buy them a fruit basket or something. Like I said, this world has just lost its taste for fun.
Flash forward a bit and there I am at this party, macking on all these babes, when it suddenly dawns on me how I can solve this problem: by editing my very own issue of the Harvard Lampoon! Of course, by “macking on” I mean “watching” and by “babes” I mean “pornographic videos” and by “at a party” I mean “at a party.” Hmm, perhaps Facebook was onto something with those ads. I started to write down every fun thing I could think of. College? That’s pretty fun. Hanging out with my best bud JLN? Yep, pretty fun too. Maybe I should get him involved with my issue…
Something that’s not fun is when people tell me about their pets as if I’m supposed to find that interesting. I was recently in a hotel pool, and another vacationer started a conversation by telling me that their cat sometimes chases bugs. I didn’t need to know that. I also can’t stand it when people cheers with their food before taking a bite. I wanted to share these things with you because they specifically bother me, and so will not have a place in my issue.
This was shaping up to be a great brainstorm session, but I had to stop because it was 4pm which meant that the Maury Povich show was on (it’s legitimately my favorite show and I watch every day). It was okay, though - I’m sure I’ll come up with more fun stuff to write about later.
Anyway enjoy this issue of the Lampoon that’s kind of about partying but is really about how anything in life can be fun if you don’t take things so seriously.